Speculations on Lana's relationship with her mother

[CriesMarmalade 178]

I doubt Lana was sexually abused as a child, given that there seem to be many more sexual abuse victims who grow up to become frigid/put off by sex, and afraid/hesitant of men (assuming the abuser was male) than those who find emotional comfort in men and physical intimacy. I honestly don't think Lana's need for love/intimacy is much different from a lot of women's; the difference with her is that rather than downplaying it for the sake of seeming like a stable, well-adjusted person, she exaggerates it for the sake of art and drama.

 

Also, I don't mean to dismiss teenage alcoholism on the whole, but given her upbringing and tendency toward 'artistic license' I'm very skeptical about Lana having been a real alcoholic at the age of 14. My guess is that she had started getting into partying and binge drinking like a lot of teenagers do, and was probably also starting to slip academically, so her parents panicked and sent her to a boarding school to set her on the right path. You would think that upon finding out that their daughter had a serious addiction at the age of 14, Lana's parents would have wanted to deal with the issue rather than just send her away to someplace where they had zero control over her and where she wouldn't be able to escape potential peer pressure. I'm sure Lana came into contact with substance abuse later in life, though.

 

And if we're going to assume that the song 'Boarding School' is at least accurate in terms of documenting Lana's general impressions/associations, it was not an experience that was beneficial in helping her combat her supposed alcoholism.

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

There is certified theory in psychology that all addictions (so, also Lanas alcoholism, I suppose) stem from toxic relationships with parents, especially mother, who wasn't there in the earliest, more fragile and tender years of child's psychological developement, so that needy and helpless tiny child was not given enough love and care, wasn't nurtured and that kind of malnutritioning care, together with cold, controlling, possessive, but emotionally distant, unavailable and disapproving mother, creates enormous hole in child's being. That hole and perpetuating feeling of emptiness is later in life (unsuccessfully) filled with opiates and different substances that alter counsciousness and provide short-term escape from dark, painful reality (sucking elusive tit = sucking a bottle).That reality is conviction that you are not worthy of love (and you also desperately crave and yearn for that love, and alcohol warms your veins for a couple of hours, giving you false feeling of inner warmth - the real one can be provided only by love, of course). Also, addiction belongs to oral fixation, which is a part of oral character, formed in the first, earliest psychosexual stage of development. Others are: anal, phallic, latency and genital. Those who succesfully cross all traps of each phase and reach genital one, are the most developed and integrated, and oral types are the ones that have most wounds and complexes. I'm not saying Lana is a walking pathology, but I just find it interesting (yes, I'm nosy, but also interested in psychoanalysis) that she first tanked herself with liquor, and now is passionately engaged in chain smoking. That  is typical for oral constitution (I am exactly the same. I fought with alcoholism for about seven years, and I'm clean for about six, and I still miss my wild and escapistic life). As far as her mother is concerned, maybe she wasn't a witch, but if a father responds to daughter's attempts of seduction, she takes that as a signal that she possibly can replace mother and marry her beloved papa (Electra Complex, as someone said here). If daddy is especially fond of his little princess, she will develop strong attachment to him and view mother as a nasty rival. I think it is a normal phase in life, but it can lead to various tragedies if it is not overcome.

 

But, maybe I am all wrong about alcoholism and mother issues in her case.

 

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

I doubt Lana was sexually abused as a child, given that there seem to be many more sexual abuse victims who grow up to become frigid/put off by sex, and afraid/hesitant of men (assuming the abuser was male) than those who find emotional comfort in men and physical intimacy. I honestly don't think Lana's need for love/intimacy is much different from a lot of women's; the difference with her is that rather than downplaying it for the sake of seeming like a stable, well-adjusted person, she exaggerates it for the sake of art and drama.

I have read many times that female victims of sexual abuse tend to go into extremes: either panically running away from sex and intimacy, or becoming nymphomaniacs. Allegedly, the second is not that rare at all. And we all know that Lana likes to brag about her stunts. Ok, now I feel dirty mouthed.

But I think she just like to exaggerate everything in her manner of histrionic drama queen, as you said, because she knows that hot, spicy details, mysteries, teases, contradictions and controversies add to the grandiose image of a living legend.

[labionda 52]

@@LoreleiLee interesting theory! I really hope one day, that she'll come out with an autobiography.... she's so mysterious .... And also did anybody notice her ''trust no one'' tattoo? 

[Valentino 884]

Psychologists don't draw conclusions about people without having talked to them for a significant period of time. Nobody here knows Lana, no matter what we may think after having heard so much of her music or seeing her interviews.

 

I do think it's inappropriate to speculate that her mom did anything to her of any sort without hard proof. It's entirely unfair to ruin Pat's reputation over a "feeling" - remember when people got carried away and started suggesting "Lana was in love with and wanted to run away with her English teacher~" over some song lyrics and like two interview quotes? Remember when people accused Jimmy Gnecco of domestic violence because of UV? As fans, we want to know everything, but I do think there's a difference between curiosity and making damning accusations that can have very real consequences. And if this sort of theory catches on, it's nigh-near impossible to correct it (some interview already mentioned the English teacher). Rumors spread, facts don't.

 

With response to her alcoholism... Lana said she started drinking because the concept seemed "so fucking cool." And then she realized she was using drink to deal anytime she had a problem, and that's when she couldn't stop. Lana also says stuff like "I haven't had a drink in 10 years" when we have Facebook posts of her being relieved that alcohol is going to be offered at a party. She's given her reasons for her teenage alcoholism, we shouldn't come up with new ones without evidence.

 

She definitely went to Fordham. Check the 76 page on Minor Questions; there's people who went to Fordham who know about her. There are Fordham publications that refer to her as a graduate. I emailed the alumni office and they confirmed she graduated in 2008 with a degree in philosophy. How she completed her degree is a question because she claims she did some independent study business, but I don't think it's fair at all to say her time at Fordham was "a lie" just because she doesn't talk about it much. Let's be real - university education is not valued by the music business, so why would interviewers care about that? 

 

As for Lana's "shadiness" ... she has a right to her privacy, and she's said more than once that she'd rather talk about the music than what's happened in her life. She's very loose with numbers; she's notoriously unreliable with regards to accurately telling how long ago something else happened, which is probably part of the reason why we can't construct a perfectly fitting timeline for her. I don't think she's only "shady" about her early years; she generally doesn't seem to like talking about her life. Chuck mentioned, in her interview with Lana, how she [Lana] hates it when people mythologize her past, especially the trailer park. I'm confident that her living in a trailer park was about getting away from her parents, proving she can make it on her own, and finding her own identity as an artist. How many kids leaving the nest get excited about living in some stupid rinky-dink place just because, for once, it's theirs? Lady Gaga lived in such an apartment for a year or so before getting her record deal for similar reasons, and her parents also came from money, so I don't think a sinister past is her reason for living in a trailer park.

 

 

 

Now, I know you don’t love to talk about this because journalists have sort of mythologized your past but let’s talk about the trailer park you lived in for a few years- I shot you there when you were 22 and continued to shoot you there for a couple years while you were writing and entertaining and wrapping up your album with David Kahne. You were so sweet and happy that you had your very own place to write and reside in, and extra money from that $10,000 indie contract. It was also a sad time for you because you separated from Steven Mertens who had originally produced that record and who was your boyfriend at the time. I don’t really have to ask you this because as your sister, I think I already know, but would you say this was your most enriching time as an artist and happiest time in New York (despite the split from Steven.)

 

I'm going to end this post with two relevant Lana lyrics:

"Stop looking at my trainwreck life and start listening to the way that I sing the blues."
"And make up stories about my life and put on very cherry balm."

[CriesMarmalade 178]

I have read many times that female victims of sexual abuse tend to go into extremes: either panically running away from sex and intimacy, or becoming nymphomaniacs. Allegedly, the second is not that rare at all. And we all know that Lana likes to brag about her stunts. Ok, now I feel dirty mouthed.

But I think she just like to exaggerate everything in her manner of histrionic drama queen, as you said, because she knows that hot, spicy details, mysteries, teases, contradictions and controversies add to the grandiose image of a living legend.

 

From what I've read, nymphomania is estimated to affect only around 3% of the total female population, and is more commonly linked to ilnesses like schizophrenia and manic-depressive psychosis, or hormonal and neurological abnormalities. Given that Lana has had long-term relationships and doesn't display any traits of hyperactivity or risk-taking behaviors I highly doubt she is one.

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

From what I've read, nymphomania is estimated to affect only around 3% of the total female population, and is more commonly linked to ilnesses like schizophrenia and manic-depressive psychosis, or hormonal and neurological abnormalities. Given that Lana has had long-term relationships and doesn't display any traits of hyperactivity or risk-taking behaviors I highly doubt she is one.

 

 

I think about this now and it also makes sense. Despite of my own discoveries on that issue, I dramatized a little bit and had this logoreic outbursts because of this itchy state of anticipation. I also used to speculate about her possible BPD, but I realized it is ridiculous, since all I know about her is her public persona and content of her lyrics. Nevertheless, I understood she behaved edgy in the past, so that is where I drew my conclusions from. But, I'll never know and there lies the magic.

[VegasBaby 895]

wtf is this thread

[kik 1,563]

I wonder how it feels to be a happy imbecile

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

I wonder how it feels to be a happy imbecile

 

I am so glad that you feel better about yourself now.

 

[kik 1,563]

I wonder what it is to wake up in the morning and happily go to the office, pour yourself a coffee in that ridiculous little miss sunshine cup and wait to get back home to watch The Voice as the highlight of your day.

 

Not asking myself where I come from, where I'm going, what's the point of getting out of bed every morning after a terrible night sweating like a pig because I can't even shut down my brain at night anymore.

 

People who don't give a shit about the meaning of life are the happiest according to some fucking statistics.

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

I wonder what it is to wake up in the morning and happily go to the office, pour yourself a coffee in that ridiculous little miss sunshine cup and wait to get back home to watch The Voice as the highlight of your day.

 

Not asking myself where I come from, where I'm going, what's the point of getting out of bed every morning after a terrible night sweating like a pig because I can't even shut down my brain at night anymore.

 

People who don't give a shit about the meaning of life are the happiest according to some fucking statistics.

 

I agree, but what does it have to do with the thread?

.........

Nevermind, you weren't talking to me anyway.

[kik 1,563]

I feel people are blaming me for asking myself too many questions and analyzing Lana's background to find answers to the questions I have about myself and why I am me.

 

I find it sad that some people might think I'm invading her private life to categorize her or judge her negatively, when all I am trying to do is to find answers, find comfort.

 

Somehow, I envy them for not feeling the need to ask themselves those questions.

[Creyk 11,495]

I feel people are blaming me for asking myself too many questions and analyzing Lana's background to find answers to the questions I have about myself and why I am me.

 

I find it sad that some people might think I'm invading her private life to categorize her or judge her negatively, when all I am trying to do is to find answers, find comfort.

 

Somehow, I envy them for not feeling the need to ask themselves those question

 

I wonder what it is to wake up in the morning and happily go to the office, pour yourself a coffee in that ridiculous little miss sunshine cup and wait to get back home to watch The Voice as the highlight of your day.

 

Not asking myself where I come from, where I'm going, what's the point of getting out of bed every morning after a terrible night sweating like a pig because I can't even shut down my brain at night anymore.

 

People who don't give a shit about the meaning of life are the happiest according to some fucking statistics.

 

Did you get your answer boo

[freshlinen2 22]

There's an interview where Lana says her dad thought the opening line of Cola was hilarious whereas her mom didn't approve. I get the feeling maybe her mom was more concerned with seeming proper, preserving decorum and whatnot. The line in Old Money "my father's love was always strong, my mother's glamour lives on and on" is interesting. I mean, she's comparing her father's love to her mother being glamorous, kind of a downgrade. The fact that she mentions her father a lot ("I pledge allegiance to my dad for teaching me everything he knows," "that's the way my father made his life an art," "I heard the streets were paved with gold, that's what my father said") whereas her mom is rarely mentioned in her music (the unflattering "My Momma" and that line in "Old Money") makes me think her father was simply more influential and important in her life. If the Cola quote is anything to go by, her mother seems to disapprove of weird, off-beat stuff like saying your pussy tastes like Cola, and Lana is a weird, off-beat person, so that may have been a point on contention in Lana's family life. Moreover, My Momma shows her disapproving of a boyfriend. Dear Elliott also refers to a boyfriend who was "not approved." Now, My Momma also suggests her mother had a thing for her boyfriend, which is where the song gets weird. And despite Lana claiming her songs are 100% autobiographical, we can't take them at face value.

 

Personally, I don't think her mother didn't love her or whatever. They didn't jibe in some senses; maybe Mom wanted Lana to fit into society more whereas Dad was cool with it. That's what I get from her music and the rare times she's mentioned her. We know so little about her that I don't think it's fair to draw any conclusions about their relationship.

I doubt “My Momma” is about Lana’s mother. I highly doubt Lana calls her mom “momma”. Lana has played around with southern American dialect and stereotypes in her music and I think that song is more of a reflection of that.

[freshlinen2 22]

Wow I didn’t realize how old this thread is. Anyway. About the whole “why did she live in a trailer park her parents/mother must have mistreated her or something” Lana moved into a trailer park after she got a $10,000 advance from a record label. She wasn’t destitute, it was a choice she had the liberty to make. Just a young artist wanting to experience a different sort of life in my opinion, remember she grew up wealthy and she probably yearned to see “the other side”. She elaborates quite a lot and makes up stories so it’s not really helpful to take her at her word or make assumptions of her based on her lyrics.

About the whole “why was she an alcoholic at 14”...I agree with the poster who says Lana was probably just dabbling in alcohol and partying like many young teen girls and began neglecting her school work, so her parents sent her to the more strict, regulated boarding school environment.

 

I think she’s closer to her father than her mother (based not on lyrics but on his public presence concerning her, his Instagram and Twitter accounts, congratulating her, times in public he’s called her a “genius” and commended her work, etc). I don’t think there’s anything to be concerned with there, most children are closer to one parent.

[Roll With me 5,640]

Btw, this thread reminded me that I don't think Lana has any relationship with her parents anymore. We haven't seen Lana interact with Rob since 2015 and even unfollowed him. He continues posting about Lana being in the cover of magazines or releasing singles, videos or albums; but never recent pictures with Lana. And neither does Lana. He used to be with Lana every now and then during specific dates of her tours in 2013, 2014 and 2015

 

I've got to the conclusion that Lana said she's in a better place now and that change is reflected in LFL because she needed to cut relationships with some people in her personal life and maybe she's talking about her parents, I don't know. Or maybe it's not of my fucking business and I have plenty of time to jump into these conclusions. Bye

[freshlinen2 22]

Btw, this thread reminded me that I don't think Lana has any relationship with her parents anymore. We haven't seen Lana interact with Rob since 2015 and even unfollowed him. He continues posting about Lana being in the cover of magazines or releasing singles, videos or albums; but never recent pictures with Lana. And neither does Lana.

 

I've got to the conclusion that Lana said she's in a better place now and that change is reflected in LFL because she needed to cut relationships with some people in her personal life and maybe she's talking about her parents, I don't know. Or maybe it's not of my fucking business and I have plenty of time to jump into these conclusions. Bye

Aw no, I don’t think so. I think she loves her parents and has a decent relationship with them, just likes to keep her relationships private. Rob is very supportive of her (I think Pat just takes a low profile when it comes to the public) and seems like a great dad.

[fl0ridakil0s 3,958]

wow this was an intense reading

[Whoopiedoo 442]

It gave me a headache lol. I was expecting to read things like, "yeah they dont get along." "momma wanted lana to have a traditional yuppie lifestyle" and stuff like that.

None of this psychology stuff...