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Elle

Never to Heaven

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Written Version

May my eyes always stay level to the horizon

May they never gaze as high as heaven
To ask why
May I never go where angels fear to tread
So as to have to ask for answers in the sky
The whys in this lifetime i've found are inconsequential
Compared to the magic of the nowness- the solution to most
questions
There are no reasons.
and if there are- I'm wrong
But at least I won't have spent my life waiting
Looking for God in the clouds of the dawn
or listening out for otherwordly contact
30 billion light years on
No. I'll let the others do the pondering
While i'll be sitting on the lawn
Readin something unsubstantial
With the television on
I'll be up early to rise though of course-
But only to make you a pot of coffee
That's what i was thinking this morning Joe
That it's times like this as the marine layer lifts
Off the sea from the view of our favorite restaurant
That i pray that I may
Always keep my eyes level to your eyeline
Never downcast at the table cloth
Yes Joe
It's times like this that the marine layer lifts
Off the sea on the dock with the candle lit
That I think to myself
There are things you still don't know about me
Like sometimes i'm afraid my sadness is too big
and that one day you might have to help me handle it
 
But until then
May I always keep my eyes level to this skyline
Assessing the glittering new development
Off of the coast of Long Beach
Never to heaven or revenant
Because I have faith in man as strange as that seems
In times like these
and it's not just because of the warmth I've found in your
Brown eyes
But because i believe in the goodness in me
That it's firm enough to plant a flag in
or a
Rosebud
or to build a new life.
 
 
---
 
 
Spoken Word Version
Never to Heaven - September 23rd, 2018
 
May my eyes always stay level to the horizon
May they never gaze as high as heaven
To ask why
May I never go where angels fear to tread
So as to have to ask for answers in the sky
The whys in this lifetime i've found are inconsequential
Compared to the magic of the nowness- the solution to most
questions
There are no reasons.
and if there are- I'm wrong
But at least I won't have spent my life waiting
Looking for God in the clouds of the dawn
I'll be up early to rise though of course-
But only to make you a pot of coffee
That's what i was thinking this morning Joe
That it's times like this as the marine layer lifts
Off the sea from the view of our favorite restaurant
That I pray that I may
Always keep my eyes level to your eyeline
Never downcast at the table cloth
You see, Joe
It's times like this that the marine layer lifts
Off the sea on the dock with our candle lit
That I think to myself
There are things that you still don't know about me
Like sometimes i'm afraid my sadness is too big
and that one day you might have to help me handle it
 
But until then
May my eyes always stay level to this skyline
Assessing Long Beach's glittering new development
Never taller than the highest building
Never to heaven or revenant
Because I have faith in man as strange as that seems
In times like these
and it's not just because of the warmth I've found in your
Brown eyes
It's because i believe in the goodness in me
That it's firm enough to plant a flag in
or a
Rosebud
or to build a new life.
 
 
 
Edited by Elle
updated with the spoken word version x

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This reads as disillusionment with her interest in metaphysics. Disillusionment with the futility of it.

 

I agree, disillusioned with both the futility of it and the depression it brings. 

 

this poem is the opposite of pawn shop blues

"its nice to love and be loved but its better to know what God knows/to know all you can know"

Here, she's saying the exact opposite.. this is really interesting imo

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The name is weird, considering it's the opposite to Yes To Heaven


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if i fuck this model and she just bleached her asshole and i get bleach on my t-shirt, imma feel like an asshole

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The recorded version has a snips. It cuts from:

 

Looking for God in the clouds of the dawn
. . . (to here)
I'll be up early to rise though of course-
But only to make you a pot of coffee
That's what i was thinking this morning Joe
 
 
and just a few tweeks:
 
Never downcast at the table cloth
You see Joe
It's times like this that the marine layer lifts
 
and at the end
 
But until then
May I always keep my eyes level to this skyline
Assessing Long Beach's glittering new development
Never higher than the tallest building,
Never to heaven or revenant . . 
 
and the start she gives the date:
"Never to Heaven - September 23rd, 2018"

YsZW.gif

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This wasn’t one of my favorites but the line where she referenced things Joe doesn’t know and how large her sadness is really hits for me. It may not be one of my fave of the poems themselves but that is one of my fave lines.

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I love this poem so much. I've struggled with religion a lot in my life as it came between my relationship with my mom after her marriage to a religious (at the time) man, and our stances and outlooks on life couldn't compromise. It's still an uncomfortable topic for me and so being able to listen to a poem like this where I interpreted it in the way that I did and still feel so serene... it just read to me so beautifully.

 

Particularly, the lines:

 

May I never go where angels fear to tread
So as to have to ask for answers in the sky

 

But at least I won't have spent my life waiting
Looking for God in the clouds of the dawn
 
As an agnostic person... jfgnjdkgjdkng I just feel understood, I don't know. And I absolutely loved the confidence with which she said: 
because I believe in the goodness in me
 
Because I do too. Sighhh. I just lovvvve.  :ohno: 
I'm fascinated with the way that she thinks. I hope when I'm older too that I come to terms with a lot of these things. I'm so happy she did this. All of these poems offer something special, a little haven.

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