Surf Noir 188,666 Posted November 4, 2022 4 minutes ago, Beautiful Loser said: I’d record my vocals probably this weekend if I didn’t have this dry throat since last night. >___< Until I’m better, if anyone wants to edit my suggested lyrics or record themselves with another sung melody, feel free to do so! i can do this, i'll have to listen to your version, and maybe do some revising on the lyrics, or perhaps how the structure of the song should go, i figure it's time i come back to this thread and contribute lol, this is so fun! 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingsMotelPart2 568 Posted November 4, 2022 The finished instrumental sounds very atmospheric! I had forgotten to post the attempt for the vocals I made and shared on discord, so I'll post it in case you want to hear how it sounds, just don't pay too much attention to the lyrics, English is not my first language, and I was practicing automatic singing (lol) , so I sang whatever came out of my mouth, and some words don't make sense/are not pronounced well.... Anyway tell me what you think, and if it doesn't sound right, don't worry, remember that I'm mainly going to do background vocals (if you want me to sing in this) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GXRv1n7bZFDF78jrzHPqtVVvP1CZfcnv/view?usp=drivesdk 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Surf Noir 188,666 Posted November 4, 2022 okay, so i listened to @Beautiful Loser's audio (great job by the way! you've got a talent for coming up with melodies) here's what i got... [first verse] you say that i'm such a melancholic but i could say the same thing about you you say that i've got my head in the clouds because i'm constantly thinking about you [pre-chorus] white car, small town i've got roses in my hair so that you'll know i'm always down your lips, your fingertips mmmmm.... [chorus] i am your medicine, but you are my poison i could light up your life and bring you salvation i know you feel afraid, but regardless of how this goes i know we'd still find each-other, god knows [second verse] i bought into your gold-chain, all of your amazing ways but i ended up a fool but i could reveal to you the truth you call me crazy, but i know that's why you want me [pre-chorus] i've got a mind like a diamond i dream big, i've got it all under control you can't extinguish the flame that you helped lit i'll play god, no matter what far-away i seem ooohhh [chorus] you are my medicine, but i am your poison you could exorcise me and bring me to salvation i know you feel afraid, but regardless of how this goes i know we'd still find eachother, i know we could drive fast, drive away from here, baby jaguars, diamonds, insanity, tiffany's roses, dripping, with blood & nectar tell me what it is that you wish for i'm down, i'm down, i'm down i'm wondering if you guys think i should write a bridge so we can expand on the song? also, i do have some suggestions for the production of the track, i honestly don't quite like that very explosive part at the end, it doesn't seem to fit the song and it kinda startled me honestly, if we expand the song by writing in a bridge and a final chorus, possibly a little outro, i feel we like we should let the instrumentation of the song build up as it goes, i also had this idea going throughout the writing that the first-person character of this track becomes more obsessed, calculated, and melodramatic, and that was really fun to write, lol! it isn't perfect but i'm still proud of it, it's also quite word-y, but whenever we record new vocals and play around with that, we can make some edits lol what do you guys think? 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Glitter Boy 16,202 Posted November 6, 2022 OMG OMG OMG OMG I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS! Guys right now I'm not able to check on all your contributions but will surely be tomorrow! (spent the afternoon at the hospital because my gramma is there but all seems good tho.) @Surf Noir @Beautiful Loser @KingsMotelPart2 will surely check on your posts asap! thank you <3 4 Quote "I'm wild, I'm free, no man can handle me" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Siren 29,038 Posted November 6, 2022 2 minutes ago, Glitter Boy said: spent the afternoon at the hospital because my gramma is there but all seems good tho.) sending my love to you all 3 Quote Last.FM | Discogs | Letterboxd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Siren 29,038 Posted November 6, 2022 On 11/4/2022 at 6:52 PM, Surf Noir said: [pre-chorus] i've got a mind like a diamond i dream big, i've got it all under control you can't extinguish the flame that you helped lit i'll play god, no matter how far-away i seem ooohhh [chorus] you are my medicine, but i am your poison you could exorcise me and bring me to salvation i know you feel afraid, but regardless of how this goes i know we'd still find each other, i know we could drive fast, drive away from here, baby jaguars, diamonds, tiffany's, insanity roses, dripping with blood & nectar tell me what it is that you wish for i'm down, i'm down, i'm down love it! here's my only suggestions either remove helped or switch it with helped light replace what with how ("each other" is two words btw) switch insanity and tiffany's 3 Quote Last.FM | Discogs | Letterboxd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Surf Noir 188,666 Posted November 6, 2022 7 minutes ago, The Siren said: love it! here's my only suggestions either remove helped or switch it with helped light replace what with how ("each other" is two words btw) switch insanity and tiffany's lol i must've made some grammatical errors i agree that insanity and tiffany's should be swapped, thanks for the suggestion! 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Siren 29,038 Posted November 6, 2022 heres another lyric piece i had from Feb 5, 2020 titled Betrayed [chorus] You were my everything But you left me with nothing I really wanna just move on But promise me you won't forget me I know I'm not perfect But please tell me I was worth it Tell me this is worth the pain you've caused I didn't want it to end like this But it's outta my hands [bridge] You betrayed the trust Of everyone you know Tell me it isn't true I don't need to hear any sorry Just tell me why you left This hole where you once embedded yourself in Now everyone is laughing You should've told me i sent this to a friend of mine around the time i wrote it 2 Quote Last.FM | Discogs | Letterboxd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beautiful Loser 45,987 Posted November 6, 2022 I wouldn't mind a bridge in the song at all! @Surf Noir I'd really appreciate it if you could record how you'd imagine the new lyrics to be sung, because with the additional syllables and words, it would have to be changed and my imagination is terrible (I mean, you can definitely hear Freak in my first attempt lol). 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Glitter Boy 16,202 Posted November 6, 2022 On 11/4/2022 at 4:44 PM, KingsMotelPart2 said: The finished instrumental sounds very atmospheric! I had forgotten to post the attempt for the vocals I made and shared on discord, so I'll post it in case you want to hear how it sounds, just don't pay too much attention to the lyrics, English is not my first language, and I was practicing automatic singing (lol) , so I sang whatever came out of my mouth, and some words don't make sense/are not pronounced well.... Anyway tell me what you think, and if it doesn't sound right, don't worry, remember that I'm mainly going to do background vocals (if you want me to sing in this) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GXRv1n7bZFDF78jrzHPqtVVvP1CZfcnv/view?usp=drivesdk y'all are making it too difficult for me to stick up for one melody only this is SO GOOD! I really like the backing vocals as well, it sounds so Lana. you should definitely be in the final thing 2 Quote "I'm wild, I'm free, no man can handle me" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Surf Noir 188,666 Posted November 6, 2022 4 hours ago, Beautiful Loser said: I wouldn't mind a bridge in the song at all! @Surf Noir I'd really appreciate it if you could record how you'd imagine the new lyrics to be sung, because with the additional syllables and words, it would have to be changed and my imagination is terrible (I mean, you can definitely hear Freak in my first attempt lol). oh well, i'm not really the best singer! i'll think about it, but i'm very shy and i don't know how i feel about recording myself and sharing it with anybody, maybe somebody else could suggest how the melodies of my version should go 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marinasrep 1,968 Posted November 6, 2022 On 11/4/2022 at 11:52 PM, Surf Noir said: [first verse] you say that i'm such a melancholic but i could say the same thing about you you say that i've got my head in the clouds because i'm constantly thinking about you [pre-chorus] white car, small town i've got roses in my hair so that you'll know i'm always down your lips, your fingertips mmmmm.... [chorus] i am your medicine, but you are my poison i could light up your life and bring you salvation i know you feel afraid, but regardless of how this goes i know we'd still find each-other, god knows [second verse] i bought into your gold-chain, all of your amazing ways but i ended up a fool but i could reveal to you the truth you call me crazy, but i know that's why you want me [pre-chorus] i've got a mind like a diamond i dream big, i've got it all under control you can't extinguish the flame that you helped lit i'll play god, no matter what far-away i seem ooohhh [chorus] you are my medicine, but i am your poison you could exorcise me and bring me to salvation i know you feel afraid, but regardless of how this goes i know we'd still find eachother, i know we could drive fast, drive away from here, baby jaguars, diamonds, insanity, tiffany's roses, dripping, with blood & nectar tell me what it is that you wish for i'm down, i'm down, i'm down THIS IS SONG OF THE YEAR ME THINKS 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Surf Noir 188,666 Posted November 6, 2022 Just now, marinasrep said: THIS IS SONG OF THE YEAR ME THINKS aww thanks! 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
plastiscguy 58,015 Posted January 31, 2023 This flopped so effing hard Anyways, @ivory almond you might wanna join this since you clearly know how to write lyrics 3 Quote My rose garden dreams set on fire by fiends... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beautiful Loser 45,987 Posted January 31, 2023 Nooo it’s still in the back of my mind, but I have a late assignment to submit, two group works, and thesis preparation. But I still want to record something new again. 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TRENCH 15,342 Posted January 31, 2023 59 minutes ago, Beautiful Loser said: Nooo it’s still in the back of my mind, but I have a late assignment to submit, two group works, and thesis preparation. But I still want to record something new again. Same, been busy nonstop :/ . I want to help with lyrics 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ivory almond 10,478 Posted February 16, 2023 On 1/31/2023 at 4:41 PM, plastiscguy said: This flopped so effing hard Anyways, @ivory almond you might wanna join this since you clearly know how to write lyrics uhhh well thank you! also, sorry about the fake lyric thing lmao, i've already talked about it in other threads, and I really like you so I'm sorry if I upset you at all 😭 1 Quote the earth shattered, the sky opened that rain was fire, but we were wooden Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Glitter Boy 16,202 Posted May 29, 2023 Eeeek I actually did forget about this, I'm really sorry I'm working on material of my own and it's taken literally the last half year for me to bring it together (and I'm not done with that yet), but I'll still be glad to help further with this, in case it is happening 1 Quote "I'm wild, I'm free, no man can handle me" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Um Chile Anyways So 7,083 Posted May 29, 2023 Somehow the lyrics ended up nothing like what 2023 lana would write. Yall were trying too hard But this also proves that only lana can write lyrics to lana song. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Siren 29,038 Posted May 29, 2023 wait i just had an idea - if someone could get their hands on a Lana AI voice, we could get someone to record this song acapella (to whatever tune/instrumental we come up with) and get the Lana AI to mimic that acapella and put it over the instrumental 3 Quote Last.FM | Discogs | Letterboxd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
