Lana Pandemonium - My Psychological Problem With Lana

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

Digital version (polished, but not finished, and this time purposely cartoonish):

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BlueJeans 2,603]

Thank you so much for the response.

By too brutal you mean those Lana drawings or BDSM ones?

Ideally, I would want to quit doing fan art and totally devote myself to what is my speciality, for multiple reasons. One is that my art would blossom, and another is that somehow I am ashamed for being someone´s fan. I never ever was in the situation in which I was obsessing over some other artist, and I always thought that fandom (the exaggerated, pathological one) is the matter of immaturity, infantilism and not being integrated, developed and psychologically completed  person (please, don´t be offended by this, these are just my, maybe too radical musings) and I strongly defend the statement that someone must be his or her own main actor/superstar in life, not bowing down to celebrities. Maybe the one thing that is positive is to extrude the best and most precious from the person you admire and take her as a motivation for personal growth.

Considering ideas, yes, I am very impatient and prone to scrabbling, instead to put the idea on hold and let it boil and stew.

Anyway, you are so kind for responding, I even had you in mind while writing this post, and it is a beautiful coincidence you replied.

And, yeah, I believe people think I´m batshit crazy and deeply disturbed because of those BDSM pics, but imagination is the temple of every possible conception or looney fantasies, so it´s all in my head.

 

I was referring to the woman with knives butchering her va-jayjay and more ... 

 

Haha, but just to make it clear, I wasn't saying that your drawings were bad, on the contrary they're well executed. 

I think you're in a learning phase, trying to figure out where you stand as an artist, so take it as a learning period. I would say : don't EVER feel bad about drawing stuff that won't be remunerated, because that's not really the point of it all, is it ? I get what you're saying, but I think you need both in order to feel satisfied and to keep the inspiration alive..

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

 

Haha, but just to make it clear, I wasn't saying that your drawings were bad, on the contrary they're well executed. 

I think you're in a learning phase, trying to figure out where you stand as an artist, so take it as a learning period. I would say : don't EVER feel bad about drawing stuff that won't be remunerated, because that's not really the point of it all, is it ? I get what you're saying, but I think you need both in order to feel satisfied and to keep the inspiration alive..

 

No, I think you misunderstood. I don´t think my stuff is either good or bad, I was asking for an advice how to stop, since I think I am wasting my time (it doesn´t go into my portfolio, and i don´t earn any money from it).

And as an artist, no, this is not my art, this is my fan art, there is the difference. I don´t know what you mean by learning phase, but I am internationally showed artist who had exhibitions in Europe, Asia and America (I hate to brag, but here I have a reason). But we are not talking about that here, obviously, since you didn´t see that work of mine. And contrary of what you think, although I really appreciate your statement, as a drawer I am excellent, only I am not giving myself to Lana that much, so that skill and vision cannot be seen in this topic.

A learning phase - yes, I think I will learn my whole life, in every aspects, because when somebody trully finds him/her, his/her development is dead and that person ceases to exist..

But I am a little stunned and appaled since you are the first one who claimed that my art, not Lana stuff, but what I really do, is not fantastic, brilliant and brutall

 

But, what can I do, oppinions differ

 

Anyway, yesterday I was thinking a lot and I came to the perfect solution: whenever I come with the idea for the Lana cover in the future and have irresistible urge to materialise it, I will just replace her with myself and leave out all the titles I even invented my own alter-ego (actually, I have a few for years now) and that would be my imaginary one-girl-band - as an art project.

[BlueJeans 2,603]

No, I think you misunderstood. I don´t think my stuff is either good or bad, I was asking for an advice how to stop, since I think I am wasting my time (it doesn´t go into my portfolio, and i don´t earn any money from it).

And as an artist, no, this is not my art, this is my fan art, there is the difference. I don´t know what you mean by learning phase, but I am internationally showed artist who had exhibitions in Europe, Asia and America (I hate to mock, but here I have a reason). But we are not talking about that here, obviously, since you didn´t see that work of mine. And contrary of what you think, although I really appreciate your statement, as a drawer I am excellent, only I am not giving myself to Lana that much, so that skill and vision cannot be seen in this topic.

A learning phase - yes, I think I will learn my whole life.

But I am a little stunned and appaled since you are the first one who claimed that my art, not Lana stuff, but what I really do, is not fantastic, brilliant and brutall

 

But, what can I do, oppinions differ

 

Anyway, yesterday I was thinking a lot and I came to the perfect solution: whenever I come with the idea for the Lana cover in the future and have irresistible urge to materialise it, I will just replace her with myself and leave out all the titles :w8ing:I even invented my own alter-ego and that would be my imaginary one-girl-band

 

 

Err ... Maybe I expressed myself badly, but nothing from what you said I said is what I meant to say - if you follow what I'm trying to say  

What I said is : don't think that there's stuff you draw that is worthless because you don't get paid for it and therefore you should stop doing that type of work? 

Learning phase: I just saw a Tony Bennet documentary where he says "I'm 85 and I still have a lot to learn". I was merely saying that because you expressed your confusion, that's all. 

 

Anyway, to sum it up : keep doing what you do, I support you, if I hurt your feelings that was obviously not the point of my post and I apologize.. 

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

Err ... Maybe I expressed myself badly, but nothing from what you said I said is what I meant to say - if you follow what I'm trying to say

What I said is : don't think that there's stuff you draw that is worthless because you don't get paid for it and therefore you should stop doing that type of work? 

Learning phase: I just saw a Tony Bennet documentary where he says "I'm 85 and I still have a lot to learn". I was merely saying that because you expressed your confusion, that's all. 

 

Anyway, to sum it up : keep doing what you do, I support you, if I hurt your feelings that was obviously not the point of my post and I apologize.. 

 

Yes, I get it now Sorry, I often come off as a non-grateful and easily offensive bitch (I am socially awkward) and I apologize if I hurt you too. I just sometimes don´t know how to correctly express myself.

I also tend to be arrogant sometimes, but that is just a defensive mechanism. Thanks so much for your feedback, you are really the most kind, patient, tolerant, mature and genuine person on this board!

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

Hm, I guess I still don´t know how to deal with criticism, even when I´m asking for it, and I need a few moments to chill down.

[BlueJeans 2,603]

Yes, I get it now Sorry, I often come off as a non-grateful and easily offensive bitch (I am socially awkward) and I apologize if I hurt you too. I just sometimes don´t know how to correctly express myself.

I also tend to be arrogant sometimes, but that is just a defensive mechanism. Thanks so much for your feedback, you are really the most kind, patient, tolerant, mature and genuine person on this board!

 

Don't worry, no hard feelings on my part 

 

Edit : Oh, and I REALLY like the first Television Heaven cover ! 

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

Of course, I couldn´t resist

 

 

 

 

 

[jazzsingrcultleadr 1,704]

I always find myself coming back to look at these. At first glance I thought they were kind of hideous but there's something so strange and surreal about your covers that I love. 

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

I always find myself coming back to look at these. At first glance I thought they were kind of hideous but there's something so strange and surreal about your covers that I love. 

 

"I like being ugly, it´s fun"

Thank you for the whole comment, I definitely see it as a compliment, a very beautiful one.   I actually like to provoke contradictory reactions, because (I believe) those kinds of disturbances are the sign that I manage to charge my work with strong and maybe even deep emotions and raise the same in others. I don´t have a cool headed distance from my art, so I am always pleasantly perplexed by other people´s reactions.

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[annedauphine 34,532]

HOLY SHIT THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING. Sorry for caps lock I'm drunk but I'm really slain this is i n s a n e

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

HOLY SHIT THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING. Sorry for caps lock I'm drunk but I'm really slain this is i n s a n e

 

Thanks, Anne It means a whole universe!   (I always had the idea with cards and her as a queen, maybe if I will be more patient, a Tarot series will arrive ) And I love these, although Egypt and Cleopatra story is my own private fave, because of that historical period.

[annedauphine 34,532]

Thanks, Anne It means a whole universe!   (I always had the idea with cards and her as a queen, maybe if I will be more patient, a Tarot series will arrive ) And I love these, although Egypt and Cleopatra story is my own private fave, because of that historical period.

That would be amazing! You definitely should do the full set if you have the time, I think your style works really well for this. I drew a tarot myself, it was so fun, I recommend it  

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

That would be amazing! You definitely should do the full set if you have the time, I think your style works really well for this. I drew a tarot myself, it was so fun, I recommend it

 Merci I also did some of that stuff, I think Lana is a sensational potential for such characters! (But yeah, patience is the golen key )

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

In case you did´t sneak peek into "Post Your Art", here are some of my pieces:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Although I mostly do black and white expressionistic drawings with sparkles of red and sometimes pink in more pop art pieces, this is colorful experiment (because in my childhood I made rainbow colored, detailed, surreal pieces):

 

 

 

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And some smokey covers:

 

 

 

 

 

And, yesterday was the closening of my exhibition and I managed to sell four out of 36 exposed digital collages, which is a miracle because my shitty country is lead by catastrophic, corrupted politicians, economy is in the dead end, there is no market place for arts and we are all fucked up, so that is a trace of light in my existencially troubled life. Plus, the curator didn´t want to promote the exhibition at all because the content is "too provocative and shocking". Today? In postmodern era, where anything goes? Only in my weirdo country Why do I write it here? Well, to ease my soul...

But, fuck rotten patriarchal anti-secular banana, I have my Saatchi.and the whole wondrous planet.

[velveteen 362]

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[LoreleiLee 1,303]

Hi,

as I wrote, this was simply an advice, I never told you to go anywhere or that you should leave or even tried to chase you off. That's something I'd never do, I appreciate every member on here. My message didn't have any ill intentions at all, quite the opposite actually. Yet you got angry and started to get quite offensive. Too bad, I actually enjoy your art, but you just proved what I wrote. But anyway, this can't be helped. If there's anything else you'd like to tell me, feel free to message me anytime in an appropriate manner. And I can just emphasize again, this was in no way sarcastic or trying to be hurtful to you. Good luck xx

 

Actually, you have a point. Being here is regressing for me.

 

Considering criticism against me, many times had people said they find my work despicable, but in the same sentence they claimed that, after some time, they realized that what I do is unique, fantastic and very emotional, but I never got mad for the first, degrading part of the statement – that proves my maturity. When bluejeans said I am in the process of learning, that was hilarious for me because I have 20 years of experience and more than a million drawings and photos in my specific, extraordinary style, but after my first shock I realized what he wanted to say and I smoothed things out, so your claim that I don't know how to accept or handle criticism is not authentic and accurate at all. I even joked with myself, with self-irony, that I am here for other people's opinions, and, when I get them, I get mad, like a spoiled brat – and what is that if not self-irony, self-cognition and acceptance?

 

Doing fan-art is actually settling for much less than I can do and it deteriorates my full potential, because I can do so much better than everything that can be seen here.

 

So, yes, I agree with you that I should go, but on my terms. Because, when someone else is repelling me from public space such as a debate forum for people from all over the planet, I feel rejected as a human being, abused and bullied.

 

But, at the same time, it indicates that you (not you specifically, but almost everyone here) have some personal (or collective) problem with me, and suffer from projections and denials.

 

I suppose you are too young to understand this, but doing this to a member of the forum could be traumatic event for him or her and panic-inducing.

 

I have BPD,  one of the main traits being fear of abandonment and rejection, because of the experienced ones in early childhood and later on (cry me a river, but what a hell, let´s destigmatize disorders by talking about them). And I have gone through hell in my life, but in this case nobody stood on my side, which proves the mentality of a herd, fear of being expelled by defending black sheep outloud and defines a heartless witch hunt.

 

Okay, I am that witch I and will gladly step away, to the fierce and flamboyant joy of lanaboards regiment and Lana´s asslickers

 

But, alas, you will be deprived from my visual delicacies.

 

Ciao

 

 

 

PS. I hope you will know how to distinguish facts from self-irony and being sardonic in this post.

 

And yes, to quote Kurt: I´d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

 

See you in purgatory    (I love being dramatic, what can I do, if that is childish, let it be)

 

 

[Lad 8,795]

Dear Lorelei,

 

I fail to see the personal issues you claim other users have against you. In my honest opinion, you're twisting people's words just so it fits your narrative of being the "outcast" of this forum. No offense. You're a beyond this planet great artist, and have made remarkable contributions to LanaBoards' community - hell, you were even awarded at the 'Lipsters Awards'. For you, to generalize the entirety of us into one purposefully offensive nickname, "Lana's asslickers", makes YOU the one who has personal issues - with the entire forum. Literally, not even 1/100 of LanaBoards has done anything to you. The main point of this website is Lana Del Rey, of course we love her. But not everyone is up her ass, yet you still refer to the entire forum as such.

 

Another "fact" of yours that bothers me is your denigration of Fan Art. Doing fan art doesn't make you less of an artist. You're offending me, because I do fan art too. You offend a big community. Art is driven by passion. If you're passionate about an artist, fan art is the best tribute ever. Even big artists themselves do "fan art" when they make tributes to inspirations of them. It doesn't deteriorate your full potential, and if you think it does - not you, just a general statement - you're delusional. All art has the same value.

 

I'm not calling you out, but since you practically just attacked this whole community, I suppose I can jump into this, given my position as one of the thousands of members personally attacked by you in this forum.

 

I can only wait to see more of your art, because I think is beautiful and has your own mark, and it pours passion and dedication. You just don't have to put other people's art down to defend it (like you just did with every single Fan Art in the world, given you're sooo above everyone who does it). Let it speak by itself.

 

Lots of love.

[LoreleiLee 1,303]

Dear Lorelei,

 

I fail to see the personal issues you claim other users have against you. In my honest opinion, you're twisting people's words just so it fits your narrative of being the "outcast" of this forum. No offense. You're a beyond this planet great artist, and have made remarkable contributions to LanaBoards' community - hell, you were even awarded at the 'Lipsters Awards'. For you, to generalize the entirety of us into one purposefully offensive nickname, "Lana's asslickers", makes YOU the one who has personal issues - with the entire forum. Literally, not even 1/100 of LanaBoards has done anything to you. The main point of this website is Lana Del Rey, of course we love her. But not everyone is up her ass, yet you still refer to the entire forum as such.

 

Another "fact" of yours that bothers me is your denigration of Fan Art. Doing fan art doesn't make you less of an artist. You're offending me, because I do fan art too. You offend a big community. Art is driven by passion. If you're passionate about an artist, fan art is the best tribute ever. Even big artists themselves do "fan art" when they make tributes to inspirations of them. It doesn't deteriorate your full potential, and if you think it does - not you, just a general statement - you're delusional. All art has the same value.

 

I'm not calling you out, but since you practically just attacked this whole community, I suppose I can jump into this, given my position as one of the thousands of members personally attacked by you in this forum.

 

I can only wait to see more of your art, because I think is beautiful and has your own mark, and it pours passion and dedication. You just don't have to put other people's art down to defend it (like you just did with every single Fan Art in the world, given you're sooo above everyone who does it). Let it speak by itself.

 

Lots of love.

 

 

What on earth are you talking about? I was the one that first had to hear bad things about my own art in the first place. This "mass degradation" of other´s people stuff came after others degraded me and after I felt robbed by one concept. I still don´t understand why nobody defended me in this situation, despite my proofs, and I am mad about it, that is the reason why I said the things above.

 

The motif of all of this drama is my convincion - and proof - that my concept has been stolen, but nobody defended me, for reasons unknown to me.

 

I didn´t say everybody here is Lana´s asslicker, I said most of them, and I said that in fury and sadness, meaning some of them, because, of course, I don´t have an insight into statistics.

 

No, I don´t think fan art is a lower form of art, If I did, I would have to hang myself out of despise towards my own almost one thousand pieces.

 

But I do think fan art is worse than other stuff I do.

 

Don´t you see what is happening here? You are accusing me of many ugly things, yet, I repeat, nobody stood by my side and you don´t have enough empathy to understand how hard for me that is in the first place, how sad I am for that, and on the top of that, how hard it is to receive additional accusations?

 

I would like to be left alone now. Please.