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Speculations on Lana's relationship with her mother

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I think she had a strenuous relationship with her mother for most of her life "My Momma" but something happened and there was a big rift in the past year or two. The sudden significant referencing of being Motherless, growing up without love recently online and in Violet indicates it's a new, recent wound. Or the opening of an old one from childhood. I'd imagine being sent away to boarding school when you're going through something (I mostly believe she was just partying a bit too much and her parents wanted to curb her behaviour and thought it was a good school because she was musically gifted) feels like an abandonment age 15. 

 

And from pure speculation not based in much, I feel like they didn't get along because her mother was emotionally unavailable. The reference to her mothers glamour etc always seemed a lot colder, more aloof than her mentioning of her father. And it would make sense if there really was a short time when she didn't speak to her parents that her father might have been more eager to apologise/re-connect. 


I have gold in my veins


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I think she had a strenuous relationship with her mother for most of her life "My Momma" but something happened and there was a big rift in the past year or two. The sudden significant referencing of being Motherless, growing up without love recently online and in Violet indicates it's a new, recent wound. Or the opening of an old one from childhood. I'd imagine being sent away to boarding school when you're going through something (I mostly believe she was just partying a bit too much and her parents wanted to curb her behaviour and thought it was a good school because she was musically gifted) feels like an abandonment age 15. 

 

And from pure speculation not based in much, I feel like they didn't get along because her mother was emotionally unavailable. The reference to her mothers glamour etc always seemed a lot colder, more aloof than her mentioning of her father. And it would make sense if there really was a short time when she didn't speak to her parents that her father might have been more eager to apologise/re-connect. 

 

Yes, I bet she felt ashamed of herself when she was sent to boarding school. This part from Bare Feet on Linoleum made me so sad for her:

 

Would standing in front of Mount Rushmore feel like the Great American homecoming I never had?
Would the magnitude of the scale of the sculptures take the place of the warm embrace I've never got

 

 

Going back home after boarding school must've felt terrible, she felt like she had no family after what they've done to her. It's like parents sending their kids straight to a therapist instead of trying to help them themselves first. She had to find warmth in the unknown, in the vast, in the outside, far away from home.

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Is it too invasive if I speculate about her having BPD? I don't see it as a necessarily negative thing, it's just as neutral as being depressed or anxious. Based on the things she writes about and her behaviour it was always sort of obvious to me. Since I have it too I think it's the reason why i've connected to her so much over the years.

 

Anyways, the cause of BPD is pretty much always an emotionally distant or abusive parent

I have BPD and I agree, she resonates a lot with me and her behaviour. My dad is extremely abusive. So that makes sense. But it’s not for anyone to go diaganosing her. Some things are just personality and behavioural without being BPD or a mental illness.

Arches are Illusions solid at first glance

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it's so funny to read this topic after the poetry book

 

anyway, lana and her father are closer but we haven't seen her with patty publicly since 2015

 

in her post on Mother's Day and the fact that she cares a lot about her father (post on ig 11/18/2020), it seems that she and her mother have distanced themselves again but these are things that we will never know why

 

or maybe in her next book "behind the iron gates - insights from an institution" that she said would be more personal :brows:

 

in fact she now considers a lady called Candice her mother but I find it very personal to discuss

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Totally necroing this thread, but I haven’t seen anyone mention these lyrics in Raise Me Up:

 

it’s like you said, it’s all been done before

I don’t have to talk pretty for them no more

 

I can talk what I want, how I wanna

I don’t have to talk taste for you, mama”

 

Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I think that does kind of indicate that Lana and her mother don’t get along - and that her mother may have expected her to be more prim and proper, and more of a debutante. Lana is a self-branded free spirit, so this likely caused tension between them. 

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I think Lana and her mother have ever shared the same outlook on life. Lana has had plenty of men in her life, a bohemian musician life, a quite different trajectory with alcohol, a little more adventurous life than her parents and I think her mother never really accepted what she did and what she became in the first place. Maybe cosmetic surgery is something she never forgave her daughter. But this is only my opinion I think we will never know as this is a private matter.

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I really don't think it's that mysterious as to why she's not really in Lana's life. They obviously have a rocky relationship due to differences and that's pretty much it. I mean mothers can be toxic too so I get it


♡  standing stoic blue and denim, eyes not blue but clear like heaven 

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