Lanaboards Parodied in Published Novel "American Spirits"

[fl0r1dakil0s]

Simon & Schuster has published a novel titled "American Spirits"  by a woman named Anna Dorn and the entire novel is a bizarre fanfic of Lana's life (and Lanaboards is in it)

 

In the novel, Lana is a woman named "Blue", and most of the MAIN plot revolves around a FORUM called "BlueBeards" 

 

In the book (from what I've gathered), a woman named "Rose" founds the "QAnon-level delusional" forum BlueBeards (😭) and ends up getting entangled in a love triangle with Lana and a fictional producer. The book ends with a SHOOTING at a Lana concert at the Hollywood Bowl. The lady who wrote this is deranged

 

 

Some interesting excerpts: 

 

 

"Fluorescent Gloom was so bleak it nearly ended her career. After featuring a man choking her on the album cover and a single called “Neon Bruise,” Velour dismissed feminist critique, telling Jezebel that she was more interested in aliens. Then she wore a burka to the Teen Choice Awards, where she encouraged the youth to smoke cigarettes. She’s been romantically linked to both a megachurch pastor and a parole officer, she called Roman Polanski “misunderstood,” and she told a class of UCLA students, “Real bitches get DUIs"

 

"Given Covid-19’s severe impact on respiratory function, Velour’s choice to glamorize smoking feels particularly callous. The artist has always flirted with mortality, famously telling a journalist in 2013 that he made her want to “pull a Sylvia Plath.” But this obsession with her own extinction now reads as an affront to the countless lives lost amid a global pandemic and escalating police brutality. Maybe Blue wishes she were dead, but most of us are fighting to stay alive"

 

 

"Ella convinced Rose that it was very cool and “relevant” to be receiving death threats. And for every death threat there was an effusive and positive message, most from seemingly unwell gay men, saying something along the lines of: bless you my unhinged princess!! Rose suddenly remembered screaming something like that last night at Sasha: there are many people online likening me to ROYALTY so I think I’m doing just fine right before Sasha had kicked her out. What a narc."

[Auburn Cuprum]

@annadorn where you at girl

[annedauphine]

We're living in a simulation

[Dominikx4]

what

[MorePicsNews2comeETC]

 

I had to stop reading but I’m dead. This has major potential for thread of the year award. 

[Cult Leader]

That’s insanee and also lowkey pathetic. The writing seems so bad lol. The author just doesn’t get it, must be tough living life being THAT bitter and boring. Maybe they’re salty abt being banned or something 

[luckypartyoftwo]

disgusting. This apparent recent trend of trivializing shootings, ala that recent Zendaya/R Patz movie, is alarming

 

if Simon & Schuster// the author see this- y’all are soulless, fucking money-grubbing losers. Would literally rather listen to Claude read toilet manuals aloud than give this money or clicks.

[Auburn Cuprum]

well at least i know shes not talking about me when she says "mentally unwell gay men" because my therapist just told me i have no active mental illness 

[ColoringBooks]

I kinda wanna read this. I wonder what her LanaBoards account is

 

7 minutes ago, annedauphine said:

We're living in a simulation

When I read "Anna Dorn" I actually thought of you because it sounds like Anne Dauphine 

[Surf Noir]

why do i feel like @LoreleiLee wrote this

[affa03]

5 minutes ago, Dark Angel said:

why do i feel like @LoreleiLee wrote this

Wait whose that

[Sunbather Moonchaser]

Oh god we're getting this before Stove announcement

[Bonita]

Little Beards... BlueBeards... 

[annedauphine]

12 minutes ago, ColoringBooks said:

I kinda wanna read this. I wonder what her LanaBoards account is

 

When I read "Anna Dorn" I actually thought of you because it sounds like Anne Dauphine 

Screaming of laughter, I hadn't realised but I promise you this isn't one of my nicknames 

[Bonita]

Now this is an instance where a lashing from Lana is warranted that exchange about her sobriety is fucking weird

[takemybreath]

WTF?

[luckypartyoftwo]

2 minutes ago, Bonita said:

Now this is an instance where a lashing from Lana is warranted that exchange about her sobriety is fucking weird

Lana’s lawyers should be all over this

 

to dedicate a book to her & then end said book with carnage at one of her concerts is…… diabolical

[Elle]

What… the hell lmao…

It is 8 in the morning I don’t even know what to make of this rn x

[takemybreath]

https://dorn-anna.medium.com/lana-del-rey-v-ethel-cain-b39d685b59b5

 

[jimmyjimmycocoapuff]

I’m calling my lawyers