lauradelxx

The other day I went to a concert and it was too crowded, so I fainted. I woke up in the hospital. Then a nurse came, and he was really cute so i blushed. My face went like a cherry, oh no. As a result I went into cardiac arrest and died. But this was all a dream, deary me. I woke up and it turned out that I was actually a striper. A striper is a fish, I'm a fish! I live fast and die young. So technically, I'm a mermaid and now I Enjoying swimming, but not competitively. You know, like Ariel in the little mermaid because as a Disney reference, that is universally acceptable. oops i'm dead again. Then I wake up, and realized that I was in fact not a fish/mermaid that dies young, but a merman that dies young. so i go to the mermaid motel and then i have a stroke and die. And then I came back to life. Only to be hit by a car. Resulting in a serious cranial fracture and me dying alone in a hospital bed 4 days later. And then I was reborn, but this time as a little gross bug. One day I was studied by an etymologist who decided to take me home in a recycled jelly jar that smelled like pickles. woohoo i found a magic stone and now i'm immortal FOREVER. she then choked on the stone and died. oh wait yes it was a stone. immortal. so the stone makes me immortal, I can never die Unless I'm killed by, in fact, a stone. So the evil princess throws a stone and it doesn't hit me so i live happily ever after, until i'm 68 and die of heart failure. jussssssst kidding, i'm still a mermaid. Lol my life is a blast all I do is eat sea urchins with my bright green teeth YUM YUM YUM. But then everything turned to darkness because i blinked. I had glue on my eyelids, and the reaction between my irises and the adhesive caused me permanent blindness.NOTHING CAN UNDO IT.NOTHING. This made very sad, which made me cry, which is strange when you can't see. When I cried my tear fell on a dog from outer space Who transformed in a hot guy. So I ripped my unopenable eyes open and it turns out he had scary fucked up eyes too. So we got married and had freaky eyeless children The end yay. Once Upon A time in IYeastInfecctionlandianavia, The Local Pizza Boy Delivered his Italian sausage inside of me and it felt so good that i just had to have a seizure and die on top of him. but I was not actually dead I went into a shock and when I came back to my sense I would pass out due to the sheer ugliness of this creature I lay upon. I knew right then and there I would die within the next few hours, and so I did. The end. I was swinging in the backyard when I realized that ghosts can't swing in backyards.but then realized I was in a new story. That just ended. (New story?) I finally simply walked into mordor. I realize that Mordor is the sticks and book the next cruise to the Undying Lands with the rest of the sexy elves. But Lana dislike elves and start hitting them all with an American flag. They die and Lana BBQ's them and serves them to her lovely fans. a tornado tears the house down. Serial Killer.I'm in love, I'm in love, love in a hurricane but Lana survives Because she is immortal.because she's a vampire Who loves sunlight . And then she goes to the space where her coffin is and takes a nap. Only to be interrupted by a meteor shower, which Kills everyone but her, which is why she is the last girl on earth. So she builds a spaceship and goes to another planet. The planet's name is Gangsta Prime, for no reason whatsoever. Gangsta Prime happens to be extremely similar to earth, and they worship Lana as their god and she's wearing a blue velvet shirt and bluer than velvet we're aliens eyes in that planet. Then one day they decided they could handle all of Lana's perfection so they COULDN'T let her be a regular person. She had to be a goddess But she can't reign because she's too busy crying after K. So they grant her 3 magic wishes. Her first wish is that everyone in the world can get three wishes... Chaos ensues. Everyone dies. All that remains is a single copy of Born To Die. So sadly Lana has to build another spaceship (b/c she's immortal and cant die) and say farewell to Gangsta Prime, another planet that just could not handle the being that is Lana Del Rey. She chooses to change her name and decides that from now on, she will be called Gangster Bitch. She LOLZ all over space in her quest to truly erase the person formerly known as "Lyzzi," cursed by her name. She travels the land high and low when her phone starts to ring and Paul McCartney is on the other end. He tells her he is infatuated with her lips. They write a song together. The song plays on speakers and radios all around the world. Everyone slowly wakes up and the song was on all of the time that SNL called and asked Lana to come back And she said: -Yes Bill, I will. She becomes best friends with the fans that stuck with her from the beginning (thats us)! Then,she said that it was the day of the parade And then it rained. So she Decided to throw a EDM party at her old trailer park and gives out free meth to everyone. Everyone helped her tastefully decorate the place with flamingos, Christmas lights and cheap backdrops. Lana slipped out that she tastes like Pepsi cola. Everyone was startled And then all of a sudden Pepsi shot out of her pussy. The whole town gathered drank and clicked their glasses together in enjoyment. But the juicy spree was short-lived since a drought was just ahead which would leave women and children, men and animals high and dry. to survive, they somehow teleported to coney island. There would be their new kingdom where plans to take over the planet were drawn out. I asked my boyfriend to buy me a purple wig so I could go to my motel and do a video turned out it turned him on and we fucked and now i'm pregnant. turned out I wasn't pregnant it was just a small can of Pepsi which is ultimately how the lyric "My pussy tastes like Pepsi cola" came about. Lana figured it got in there from that one night out on the veranda near Ocean Grove. Meth's one hell of a drug. So she turned to Barrie-James and said wtf Barrie what happened that night on the veranda near Ocean Grove????