Speculations on Lana's relationship with her mother

[labionda 52]

free to go somewhere else.... 

[HEARTCORE 18,975]

i don't think there's any sort of issue...i think she's probably just closer to her dad....y'all read way too much into things sometimes (and i say this as a Lit major, LOL)

[Divisive Princess 3,757]

I feel like y'all are looking too much into. She was probably a 'misunderstood' teen who's strict mom got on her nerves. They're probably fine now based on what they put on social media.

 

You guys are painting a traumatic and disturbing past for her based off of a song and a line from an interview about Pat not liking Cola (and can you blame her as a mother??).

[Valentino 887]

I feel like y'all are looking too much into. She was probably a 'misunderstood' teen who's strict mom got on her nerves. They're probably fine now based on what they put on social media.

 

You guys are painting a traumatic and disturbing past for her based off of a song and a line from an interview about Pat not liking Cola (and can you blame her as a mother??).

 

I don't think I'm saying more than what you've said, honestly, unless you're aiming this at someone else, in which case carry on! (I definitely don't think she was sexually abused or her mother was unusually harsh on her)

[Divisive Princess 3,757]

I don't think I'm saying more than what you've said, honestly, unless you're aiming this at someone else, in which case carry on! (I definitely don't think she was sexually abused or her mother was unusually harsh on her)

Nope, not you I just used the Cola thing as an example to make my point. I was definitely talking about the ones who say she was sexually abused 

[labionda 52]

say what you want, I still think she was abused by someone..

a family friend or what not

[Kitten 76]

Ok, I know this is Lanaboards and our job is to get all in-depth about her, but I'm not gonna hold my tongue in saying that encouraging the sharing of theories about her being sexually abused is quite gross, not to mention uncomfortable and prying.

 

As far as she and Pat go, I'm sure there's been turmoil in her family at some points due to the fact that she struggled with alcoholism and was sent to boarding school. That had to be hell for everyone involved. But what matters most is the here and now, and they seem to all be in a good place together.

[labionda 52]

@@Kitten well, I didn't mention only sexual abuse , but other things..  like university and stuff... but majorly on her relationship with her mother .... can you read guys? and me as a fan I want to know all about her ... I f you have interesting stuff to share you're free to comment, but if you come here judging and implying that I'm gross for being interested in her past (traumatic or not) stay the hell out... I started this thread because I wanted to know what other lana fans thought about this, ergo SPECULATIONS.. 

[HEARTCORE 18,975]

Speculating on whether or not a person has been sexually abused is pretty disgusting behaviour, no matter how you try to portray it as. Talk as much as you want about who she is/isn't a relationship with and if she really is "a fan of a pro-ana nation", but don't start saying stuff about her being abused. It's just very invasive and very gross.

[letsescapelizzy 673]

say what you want, I still think she was abused by someone..

a family friend or what not

 why? what leads you to think this? explain pls. (and please dont mention any songs, as they have no revelance to any persons real life.)

just trying to understand your thought process here. 

[labionda 52]

@@letsescapelizzy   okay... I have a friend that was sexually abused as 12 year old. the monster that did this to her was someone she knew ( a close family friend), all her family knew and her mother was the only one that secretly blamed her for it  ... now she's 17 and what can I say she's been through a lot, she's suicidal and bulimic and got pregnant twice , she's attracted to the wrong dudes and so on.. and she reminds me of Lana in some weird way that I cannot pin point lol. So of course I can't prove anything because OBVIOUSLY I don't know her , BUT  she did say that most of her songs are autobioographical excetera ... but that's not enough right? because lyrics arent reliable and on some extent I have to agree with you, so you ask me where did I get this Idea from? Well first of all I found extremely sad and unusual for a 14 yo to be an alcoholic, I mean.. Apparently she comes  from a wealthy and respectable family right? So what on earth made her drink daily and why she was sent to a boarding school? what she was trying to escape  from? so I began to think the causes of so much upheaval .. She has a wonderful relationship with her dad so he has nothing to do with her problems, she's really close to her brother and sister so they too have nothing to do with anything traumatic.. but then I noticed that she never mentions her mother, so something must be off. My personal theory is that something profoundly disturbing happened to her ( it could be sexual abuse or not) and she was left with long lasting scars, she began to act erratically and her mother decided to send her somewhere else instead of dealing with her, and from that point the hostility began...  I mean really guys? we all argue with our parents, and we all have problems but would that transform us in alcolholics? AT FOURTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD?? that's not ordinary ... and apart from that all her life is shady and purposefully concealed...  her university years are foggy and there are rumors of her being in Alabama after graduating high school.... and we all know she comes from a family with cash, so why did she lived in a trailer park for  18 months????? So that's  what produced this thread... 

[CriesMarmalade 178]

I doubt Lana was sexually abused as a child, given that there seem to be many more sexual abuse victims who grow up to become frigid/put off by sex, and afraid/hesitant of men (assuming the abuser was male) than those who find emotional comfort in men and physical intimacy. I honestly don't think Lana's need for love/intimacy is much different from a lot of women's; the difference with her is that rather than downplaying it for the sake of seeming like a stable, well-adjusted person, she exaggerates it for the sake of art and drama.

 

Also, I don't mean to dismiss teenage alcoholism on the whole, but given her upbringing and tendency toward 'artistic license' I'm very skeptical about Lana having been a real alcoholic at the age of 14. My guess is that she had started getting into partying and binge drinking like a lot of teenagers do, and was probably also starting to slip academically, so her parents panicked and sent her to a boarding school to set her on the right path. You would think that upon finding out that their daughter had a serious addiction at the age of 14, Lana's parents would have wanted to deal with the issue rather than just send her away to someplace where they had zero control over her and where she wouldn't be able to escape potential peer pressure. I'm sure Lana came into contact with substance abuse later in life, though.

 

And if we're going to assume that the song 'Boarding School' is at least accurate in terms of documenting Lana's general impressions/associations, it was not an experience that was beneficial in helping her combat her supposed alcoholism.

[LoreleiLee 1,306]

There is certified theory in psychology that all addictions (so, also Lanas alcoholism, I suppose) stem from toxic relationships with parents, especially mother, who wasn't there in the earliest, more fragile and tender years of child's psychological developement, so that needy and helpless tiny child was not given enough love and care, wasn't nurtured and that kind of malnutritioning care, together with cold, controlling, possessive, but emotionally distant, unavailable and disapproving mother, creates enormous hole in child's being. That hole and perpetuating feeling of emptiness is later in life (unsuccessfully) filled with opiates and different substances that alter counsciousness and provide short-term escape from dark, painful reality (sucking elusive tit = sucking a bottle).That reality is conviction that you are not worthy of love (and you also desperately crave and yearn for that love, and alcohol warms your veins for a couple of hours, giving you false feeling of inner warmth - the real one can be provided only by love, of course). Also, addiction belongs to oral fixation, which is a part of oral character, formed in the first, earliest psychosexual stage of development. Others are: anal, phallic, latency and genital. Those who succesfully cross all traps of each phase and reach genital one, are the most developed and integrated, and oral types are the ones that have most wounds and complexes. I'm not saying Lana is a walking pathology, but I just find it interesting (yes, I'm nosy, but also interested in psychoanalysis) that she first tanked herself with liquor, and now is passionately engaged in chain smoking. That  is typical for oral constitution (I am exactly the same. I fought with alcoholism for about seven years, and I'm clean for about six, and I still miss my wild and escapistic life). As far as her mother is concerned, maybe she wasn't a witch, but if a father responds to daughter's attempts of seduction, she takes that as a signal that she possibly can replace mother and marry her beloved papa (Electra Complex, as someone said here). If daddy is especially fond of his little princess, she will develop strong attachment to him and view mother as a nasty rival. I think it is a normal phase in life, but it can lead to various tragedies if it is not overcome.

 

But, maybe I am all wrong about alcoholism and mother issues in her case.

 

[LoreleiLee 1,306]

I doubt Lana was sexually abused as a child, given that there seem to be many more sexual abuse victims who grow up to become frigid/put off by sex, and afraid/hesitant of men (assuming the abuser was male) than those who find emotional comfort in men and physical intimacy. I honestly don't think Lana's need for love/intimacy is much different from a lot of women's; the difference with her is that rather than downplaying it for the sake of seeming like a stable, well-adjusted person, she exaggerates it for the sake of art and drama.

I have read many times that female victims of sexual abuse tend to go into extremes: either panically running away from sex and intimacy, or becoming nymphomaniacs. Allegedly, the second is not that rare at all. And we all know that Lana likes to brag about her stunts. Ok, now I feel dirty mouthed.

But I think she just like to exaggerate everything in her manner of histrionic drama queen, as you said, because she knows that hot, spicy details, mysteries, teases, contradictions and controversies add to the grandiose image of a living legend.

[labionda 52]

@@LoreleiLee interesting theory! I really hope one day, that she'll come out with an autobiography.... she's so mysterious .... And also did anybody notice her ''trust no one'' tattoo? 

[Valentino 887]

Psychologists don't draw conclusions about people without having talked to them for a significant period of time. Nobody here knows Lana, no matter what we may think after having heard so much of her music or seeing her interviews.

 

I do think it's inappropriate to speculate that her mom did anything to her of any sort without hard proof. It's entirely unfair to ruin Pat's reputation over a "feeling" - remember when people got carried away and started suggesting "Lana was in love with and wanted to run away with her English teacher~" over some song lyrics and like two interview quotes? Remember when people accused Jimmy Gnecco of domestic violence because of UV? As fans, we want to know everything, but I do think there's a difference between curiosity and making damning accusations that can have very real consequences. And if this sort of theory catches on, it's nigh-near impossible to correct it (some interview already mentioned the English teacher). Rumors spread, facts don't.

 

With response to her alcoholism... Lana said she started drinking because the concept seemed "so fucking cool." And then she realized she was using drink to deal anytime she had a problem, and that's when she couldn't stop. Lana also says stuff like "I haven't had a drink in 10 years" when we have Facebook posts of her being relieved that alcohol is going to be offered at a party. She's given her reasons for her teenage alcoholism, we shouldn't come up with new ones without evidence.

 

She definitely went to Fordham. Check the 76 page on Minor Questions; there's people who went to Fordham who know about her. There are Fordham publications that refer to her as a graduate. I emailed the alumni office and they confirmed she graduated in 2008 with a degree in philosophy. How she completed her degree is a question because she claims she did some independent study business, but I don't think it's fair at all to say her time at Fordham was "a lie" just because she doesn't talk about it much. Let's be real - university education is not valued by the music business, so why would interviewers care about that? 

 

As for Lana's "shadiness" ... she has a right to her privacy, and she's said more than once that she'd rather talk about the music than what's happened in her life. She's very loose with numbers; she's notoriously unreliable with regards to accurately telling how long ago something else happened, which is probably part of the reason why we can't construct a perfectly fitting timeline for her. I don't think she's only "shady" about her early years; she generally doesn't seem to like talking about her life. Chuck mentioned, in her interview with Lana, how she [Lana] hates it when people mythologize her past, especially the trailer park. I'm confident that her living in a trailer park was about getting away from her parents, proving she can make it on her own, and finding her own identity as an artist. How many kids leaving the nest get excited about living in some stupid rinky-dink place just because, for once, it's theirs? Lady Gaga lived in such an apartment for a year or so before getting her record deal for similar reasons, and her parents also came from money, so I don't think a sinister past is her reason for living in a trailer park.

 

 

 

Now, I know you don’t love to talk about this because journalists have sort of mythologized your past but let’s talk about the trailer park you lived in for a few years- I shot you there when you were 22 and continued to shoot you there for a couple years while you were writing and entertaining and wrapping up your album with David Kahne. You were so sweet and happy that you had your very own place to write and reside in, and extra money from that $10,000 indie contract. It was also a sad time for you because you separated from Steven Mertens who had originally produced that record and who was your boyfriend at the time. I don’t really have to ask you this because as your sister, I think I already know, but would you say this was your most enriching time as an artist and happiest time in New York (despite the split from Steven.)

 

I'm going to end this post with two relevant Lana lyrics:

"Stop looking at my trainwreck life and start listening to the way that I sing the blues."
"And make up stories about my life and put on very cherry balm."

[CriesMarmalade 178]

I have read many times that female victims of sexual abuse tend to go into extremes: either panically running away from sex and intimacy, or becoming nymphomaniacs. Allegedly, the second is not that rare at all. And we all know that Lana likes to brag about her stunts. Ok, now I feel dirty mouthed.

But I think she just like to exaggerate everything in her manner of histrionic drama queen, as you said, because she knows that hot, spicy details, mysteries, teases, contradictions and controversies add to the grandiose image of a living legend.

 

From what I've read, nymphomania is estimated to affect only around 3% of the total female population, and is more commonly linked to ilnesses like schizophrenia and manic-depressive psychosis, or hormonal and neurological abnormalities. Given that Lana has had long-term relationships and doesn't display any traits of hyperactivity or risk-taking behaviors I highly doubt she is one.

[LoreleiLee 1,306]

From what I've read, nymphomania is estimated to affect only around 3% of the total female population, and is more commonly linked to ilnesses like schizophrenia and manic-depressive psychosis, or hormonal and neurological abnormalities. Given that Lana has had long-term relationships and doesn't display any traits of hyperactivity or risk-taking behaviors I highly doubt she is one.

 

 

I think about this now and it also makes sense. Despite of my own discoveries on that issue, I dramatized a little bit and had this logoreic outbursts because of this itchy state of anticipation. I also used to speculate about her possible BPD, but I realized it is ridiculous, since all I know about her is her public persona and content of her lyrics. Nevertheless, I understood she behaved edgy in the past, so that is where I drew my conclusions from. But, I'll never know and there lies the magic.

[VegasBaby 895]

wtf is this thread

[kik 1,564]

I wonder how it feels to be a happy imbecile