Grandfather please stand on the shoulders of my father while he's deep-sea fishing

[lmdr 10,903]

the last chorus

[emliqua 3,039]

My favorite song on the album after much consideration  

[MadCallEgg 218]

anyone else counting white butterflies

 

[joeboe30 155]

5 minutes ago, MadCallEgg said:

anyone else counting white butterflies

 

only everytime i'm in the garden

[Creyk 11,726]

This and The Grants make me feel like a middle aged Christian MOTHER who’s praying to the good lord ️️

[Fuck Our Generation 776]

This song's production is one of her best ever imo. I'm really impressed by Jack on this one.

[daphnedinkley 13,773]

ok i've always loved this song but i just had a nice big beautiful cry to it

 

 

this is a MASSIVE overshare but my grandma passed away in june 2022. she was the glue of the family and the second oldest / first to pass of her nine siblings - we have a really huge family and we were all really close! annoyingly my grandma didn't have a will written but my mum did know her wishes, so it was up to my mum, the eldest of her other siblings, to be in charge of my grandma's money, her belongings, her house, etc. she wanted to do right by my grandma - her mum - and fulfil my grandma's last wishes. in the process of this, it was revealed that someone in our family (i won't say who, just in case  ) had been manipulating, scheming and taking money unethically from my grandma while she was still alive - money that was meant to be left for members of her family as a goodbye gift. they had also stolen things from her and acted wrongfully after her passing. when my mum confronted this person about this, they retaliated by spreading vicious lies and essentially tearing our family apart, leading everybody to turn on my mum and myself. we've had nobody else for a long time. we were pushed out. the thing is, though, all my mum and i ever wanted to do was do right by my grandma and fulfil her wishes. we lost her and then we lost everybody else, all because we wanted to do the right thing. but this other family member is extremely convincing and believable - it's not hard to see why people would believe them over us.

 

i promise this does relate to the song, let me explain! sometimes i wondered - and i still do - if we were doing the right thing at all, if we should both have just sucked it up and been complacent in order to keep our family since we lost someone we loved so much. when lana sings "three white butterflies to know you're near", it's like a gut punch every single time - when my grandma died, i just kept seeing white butterflies, like, more than i have ever seen in my life before. it always felt like a symbol or a hello from her. when we left her house for the very last time, after all of the stress and the fighting and the isolation, i stood in her old bedroom asking for a sign, a goodbye, something - lo and behold, a white butterfly came and landed right on the window! it stayed there until i left! "god if you're near me give me [...] a map to know your vision, impart on me your wisdom" sounds like a plea i've made so many times, asking some higher power to just give me guidance, to let me know if we're doing the right thing, to give me some strength or knowledge to help me thru.

 

"i have good intentions even if i'm one of the last ones" is so pertinent to the situation too. i almost want to scream it to all of my family that don't understand. our intentions are good and pure and honest - even if we are some of the last people of her family line to have those intentions. people seem to think that my mum is forcing my hand and making me 'side' with her - they think "it took somebody else" to make me honest, noble, genuine, caring. but they're wrong! i'm doing the right thing because it's the right thing, not because of any petty family drama or rivalries. there's no greed involved, no desire to have anything, no care about anything material, and it's certainly not taken anybody else to make me want to honour my grandmother's wishes. the earnestness and hopefulness combined with the feeling of being misunderstood and ostracised is reflected in both this song and my life.

 

the way lana begs for her grandfather to watch over her dad while he's deep sea fishing takes me back to such a beautiful memory i have. it was just after my grandma had passed but before any of the fighting began. my family were doing what they could to support each other. my uncle took his rickety old boat and took my grieving nephew out fishing in the sea. my nephew was struggling so much - i think he may have been only 14 at the time, and he was extremely close to my grandma so, naturally, devastated by her passing - and i remember worrying that he'd be okay on this fishing trip. then he came back, sunburnt as all hell, smiling the most beaming, beautiful grin. my uncle showed me pictures he'd taken - my nephew had stripped off, jumped out the boat and gone swimming in the ocean with all the boys, they had an incredible time, he was happy, the weight of the loss was lifted from him for a moment. i remember thinking how beautiful it was. how gorgeous to see him with his family and in nature, having fun and living life. how happy my grandma must have been watching them from above. that was the sort of stuff she loved - the family getting together and embracing the more carefree, naturalistic parts of life.

 

this song takes me back to that memory. it makes me sad how things have changed, but i still smile when i think about it. this song reflects exactly how i feel - confused, misunderstood, but adamant that i have good intentions. the way this song sounds hopeful while dealing with its subject matter is something i carry with me; i really hope that one day they'll understand and my family will have me and my mother back.

 

anyway, that was super long, but it felt nice to pay tribute to this song and get off my chest exactly why i love it so much!! thanks for giving me the space to let that all out, lanaboards  <3 xx

[Bonita 12,677]

The final chorus always makes me tear up oh Lana