Death
I usually have titles picked out early on in the conceptual phase of an album before even writing anything. This one was a must, and I just wasn't getting it right anytime I tried writing it with other people. One day, I sat in the portal room alone and started singing melodies. I heard a spirit with a completely different tone than mine repeat a melody I had sung out loud in the silence and it sent a chill down my body. I was really scared at first, then continued on, using that moment as confirmation from the other side. I laid down the chords after hours of searching through Omnisphere for an instrument that would reverberate through my soul. I added a simple drum loop in the chorus (that was later replaced by production from my favorite collaborator CJ Baran, as well as live drums from Ilan Rubin of Nine Inch Nails - who also put drums down for a couple of other songs.) When I was done writing the song, that same day I played it for my best friend of 22 years who is like my sister. She had just experienced multiple losses in her family. While she was listening on headphones, tears rolled through. The song ended, she looked at me and said "that's the one."
Void
This is the first song I fully produced on my own, also in the portal room. The first thing I put down was that bass guitar top line. It was an exact melody from a voice memo I had recorded a few days prior. The chorus melody and lyric came all at once just from looping the bass line. I put down a simple programmed drum loop that was later replaced/mixed in with live drums by Rhys Hastings. I remember screaming that chorus while crying, it felt like a weight I needed to get off of me. The weight of my anxiety, the weight of my brain, and it perfectly fit the second stage. A void. A dark place where you are left alone with your own thoughts for introspection, in order to find the light within yourself.
Tunnel Vision
Wrote this song while in Hawaii in February 2021 with Kinetics & One Love. We were surrounded by coqui frogs singing to us, the sound of rain hitting the roof, and pure connection. I wanted to make a song to describe the stage of moving through a tunnel of familiar hymns and imagery to ease the transition into the other side while also writing something with multiple meaning that people can relate to in a more earthly way. This song was leaked through a drop box hack the same year, and it took everything within me to not trash it. I couldn't rewrite a better tunnel song so it stayed.
Faerie Soirée
There were many days I sat in the portal room wanting to create outside of my own perspective. I asked Jeff Levin (my A&R) to send me as many folders as possible of instrumental tracks created by different producers. After searching through the folders for a while, there was one track labeled "Respect Vol 1" by this producer named Hoskins that struck me. It was an infectious drum groove over a guitar top line. I wrote the song very quickly. I kept dancing to it, being overtaken by fairy energy. It felt like the stage of homecoming. Connecting with my soul family. A spirited soirée between me and my Fae guides.
Light Shower
There is a place in the afterlife people under hypnosis describe as a soul cleansing or a shower of light. A place where gem-colored rays of light shine through every inch of your soul, cleansing your spirit of the trauma it had experienced during your last lifetime. Restoring you to your original vibration. I remember reading about this sitting on the roof of my garage, imagining what it would feel like while the warmth of the sun was hitting me. A few weeks later I sat in my bathtub with my guitar and stayed up all night writing a love song about this light, in order to create layered meaning. This was also the very first song I ever wrote for this album.
Spider Web
If I were to ever teach a conceptual/thematic songwriting class, this song would be a great reference point. The interconnectedness of us all that everyone under hypnosis feels, including myself when I went under, is what I wanted to write about. I wanted to spice it up a bit, so I found an opportunity to add double meaning for earthly resonance. So "Spiderweb" is also written about social media's chokehold on society. "Feeding off our highs and lows and curious to see us struggle, no one can leave once they merge." I wrote this one on my guitar in the portal room, recorded a voice memo of it and sent it to CJ. He created an incredible instrumental track for it that same day and even created the perfect drop using his own mouth sounds that gave it that extra spidery feel.
Leeches
People describe a lot of the after-life to be like a school of sorts, projecting into past lifetimes with people they keep incarnating with, to put themselves in each other's shoes. Showing how they could've best dealt with conflict on earth for next time. These next few songs are about conflict on earth. I'd like to think we all plan these moments together prior to coming here, triggering each other to evolve. Living in the most vapid and isolating city of Los Angeles, I decided to write "Leeches" about people who live here for the wrong reasons, and how they act around people in the spotlight. I wrote this over a track from that large folder originally, added some extra production stuff, then brought it to CJ who then brought in live string instrumentation for it to tug on the emotional heart strings.
Battle of the Larynx
This was the last song that was written and added to the album. May of last year I went back to Hawaii to the same house I wrote "Tunnel Vision" in. CJ came through for the last hurrah of writing sessions before we declared the album finished. I pulled out my guitar and wrote the song very quickly outside. Then CJ added layers of magic to the production as he always does. Rhys recorded live drums for this song later on. He added the urgency and momentum to this song that the subject matter really was needing. I wrote this one to be about two different conflict styles - one person who yells a bunch of nothing really loudly to try and intimidate and the other who can calmly & concisely use their words & wit to prove their point.
The Contortionist
I will never forget the feeling, and the intense smiles that me and CJ shared while creating this song. A true collaborative moment where we both felt the ping of our little antennas, like a loud phone call firing off. A lot of our process involved making tracks, then picking our favorites, then going into the booth and free styling Melodies, piecing together the best moments and then I would pace around the pool writing lyrics to fit the cadence of the free-styled melodies. The unhinged laughs in the chorus are the exact takes from my freestyle. This conflict song is about bending over backwards for someone who doesn't accept you as you are.
Moon Cycle
I wrote this song in the portal room alone over one of the instrumental tracks in that folder that was sent to me. It was a guitar loop by Pearl Lion. On each of my albums I like to include at least one "taboo" song about something many people deal with but no one talks about in music. I wanted to write a fun, lighthearted, song about being a person who experiences menstruation. How blood represents vitality and life. I wanted the chorus to be pretty and to use analogies for bleeding that were sweet. "Juice melting like raspberry, pomegranate it's so scary, how my aura got him howling at my moon cycle baby." The rumbling sounds that lead into the song are my actual period cramps I recorded on my phone. With the conflict of patriarchal society brainwashing straight cis men to believe they should have any kind of say over other people's bodies, and also the general kind of ick that they get from the discussion of menstruation, I wanted to make the song extra uncomfy for them by going on to describe a man who lives for period sex!
Nymphology
Wrote this song with CJ and Nick long. It was a really fun session. We made a bunch of different vibes and this one stuck out to us the most. I wanted it to be bratty and a commentary piece on the box a lot of men put femme presenting people in when they call us names like "manic pixie dream girl." Being forced to play the role of mom & healer, while they gaslight you & call you crazy the minute you communicate how you feel.
& The ending interlude of this song is actually called "Amulet." My partner Verde was cleaning out his computer and an instrumental randomly started playing & my ears perked up. It was a track he had produced years ago that was just sitting there collecting digital dust. I immediately wrote over it, but writing a full song for it was difficult. I loved it so much and had no idea what to do with it. One day in the studio I randomly was like hmm maybe "Amulet" can be an interlude after a song, and as fate had it the very the last note of "Nymphology" is the very first note of "Amulet." A perfect puzzle piece.
Evil
My favorite of the conflict songs! CJ laid down guitar and looped it, I paced around the pool and wrote the lyric and melody in around 30 minutes. Flowed really easily and effortlessly. I think it's because I just had a mental turning point where I was finally able to articulate perfectly what I had dealt with in my last relationship. I wanted the lyrics to be the most savage and the most cunty. Every time I wrote something I was like no it's not mean enough. It's about dealing with a narcissist who ironically calls you evil just because you're able to see through their bullshit. I spent the entire day blowing out my vocals recording it. It was definitely the most challenging song to sing.
Womb
I knew I wanted the album to end on the title "Womb." This was one of the earliest songs written in 2020. Had a session one day with Omer Fedi as part of a week of sessions I had with different people. Omer started playing these guitar chords that were so beautiful, I asked him to play it on loop while I stared at the corner of the room quickly writing lyrics. CJ and I had Rhys come in and record live drums around 2 years later to complete it. This song was written from the perspective of entering a new lifetime. The feeling of nerves and excitement that arise when you're about to forget everything you know about your true self as a soul in order to let your human experience on earth move your progression forward.
heres all i did
death - removed the end transition
void - removed the beginning transition + generated a fade in for the 'in the void in the void in the void void void void...' part
tunnel vision - removed the pah-pah-ah outro
faerie soiree - inserted the pah-pah-ah as intro
spider web - cut off the outro nature sounds at the end
leeches - inserted the nature sounds at the beginning and took out that muffled mess at the end + the guy yelling
battle of the larynx - cut off the interlude/outro mess
the contortionist - moved the last bit of the BOTL outro (violins) to the intro and cut off the outro
moon cycle - added the intro from the contortionist's outro
nymphology - removed the rap outro
evil - inserted the rap as intro
Spider Web grew on me a lot over the last week-ish and i always skip Moon Cycle when it comes up
i need her to release a previously leaked compilation at the end of her Atlantic Records contract expires as her final album with Atlantic.
we deserve it
no she’ll hate us even more + cancel tour also its so funny seeing stans getting mad at ppl for listening to leaks. like when they’re better than the actual album then what will we do
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