WITHOUT YOU (A LARINA FANFICTION) - CHAPTER 1
It was a cold and rainy night in December, and Lana was sitting alone in a room in the Chateau Marmont, in Hollywood. Marina currently had a show in the town, and as to not cause commotion, or cause the diamonds to freak out when they saw Lana there, Lana simply stayed in their hotel room at night while Marina was out performing, Every night Marina had to be at the venue at 6 p.m., and usually came home at around 12 a.m. or later. This left Lana 7 hours of down time, which was somewhat nice at first, but after a while it just became a time when she would lie around and write and sing and gaze out of the window. This night, Lana was feeling more sad and distressted than normal, maybe it was just the rain, or maybe it was her missing her girlfriend, or both, or just everything. She figured it was just everything. Some people might have said Lana had the most perfect life, but her life wasn’t. Lana never really specifically told anyone about her problems. Of course, she told Marina about some things, since Marina could relate, but some things she kept to herself since she thought that they might hurt Marina or make her unhappy if she found out about them. Lana never told Marina that she self harmed, or that she had an eating disorder. She knew that if Marina found out about all of this happening, that she wouldn’t be mad at Lana, but she would be so hurt, to know that her girlfriend didn’t love herself, When she thought about it, she didn’t really love herself, at all. Lana thought back to the time she performed on Saturday Night Live and she got all the bad reviews. That made Lana worse. When Lana sat behind the television and watched Kristen Wiig dressed up as her, ridiculing her, Lana simply went into a fetal position and started sobbing. A few seconds later, Marina came in, saw the TV, dropped everything she had in her arms since she couldn’t believe her eyes, and ran over to Marina and held her in her arms. As she held her and her own tears start to flow from her eyes, Marina stroked her hair softly because she knew that Lana loved it when she did and it always seemed to calm her down. “Shhhhhh. Shhhhhh. Darling, its going to be alright. I love you more than anything, and that’s all that matters. Those people putting you down, they mean nothing. You’re my beautiful girl, and you’re voice is perfect. They just can’t see your talent.” Lana looked up at Marina with a pouted lip and red watery eyes, and choked out the words “I love you Marina” And then she pulled Marina into a slow, sweet kiss. Afterwards, Marina began to sing to Lana, as Lana lay her head on her shoulder. Looking back on the memory, Lana looked down and her wrists, and saw where a scar was just beginning to heal. Just thinking of that night, and the hate and the reviews made her sick to her stomach. Then Lana just began thinking about how imperfect she was, and how if she was a better girlfriend she would be at Marina’s show no matter what. A tear ran down Lana’s face as she thought about how she could do better as a girlfriend, and that Marina deserved way better. Lana began to think about things some more, and she thought to herself “Im just a failure. Nothing I ever do is enough for the world. I sing, people laugh at me and put me down. My girlfriend has concerts, I don’t go because I’m too scared to get mobbed by fans. What are you coming to Lana? At this rate.in a few years, or maybe less time that that, you won’t even have Marina.”
what will happen next? stay tuned!
