Red Dress

Not me trying manifest a Louisiana bayou, crumbling antebellum, witchy, murder-ballad, vibe complete with Nick Cave...a little over a year ago. Hearing how she married a bayou-boy just recently, reinvigorated my hopes for this happening. (And I know they probably weren't in the studios together at the same time, but Lana and Nick did both contribute to the soundtrack to 'The New Look', so I'm counting this as the beginning of a dream made manifest.)

I just typed a response to that, then realised I was thinking of something else entirely wrong. You're right, the 'Lake Placid' version is probably something that she could properly release now and it'd fit on whatever album she releases. It's radio friendly, if a little dull.

If she's using old, leaked, unofficially released tracks, I'd put my money on her reworking 'I Don't Want To Go, because it's already kida sparse so stripping down the instruments to an acoustic guitar and piano, would actually work very well. And then if she had some experimental bits of sound (kinda like what Emilie did with BTD) they could elevate it tp something pretty cool sounding. Same with 'Maha Maha' 'Starry Eyes' and 'Pin Up Galore' which both have a lot of potential for a rework. (I think my chances of hearing a new version of 'Golden Grill' have plummeted to around zero by now, lol.) She might feel like reworking JFK in a weird democrat-adjacent nod to RFK Junior, with the election coming up. Just a possibility. Also I wouldn't necessarily worry about the studio she's in. Artists often choose a studio because it has the kind of sound they want to opt for. Like, Abbey Road is considered the place where the Beatles recorded music and some people assume that anyone recording there is trying to create something Beatles-esque, when in reality, the place has a beautifully pure, acoustic sound that lots of other musicians want to make the most of. Conversely, some people want to opt for a smaller, cosier more intimate studio that they can relax into while recording. If she's freestyling lyrics she'll want a more intimate, smaller venue where he can communicate with the others easily, and no have to worry about being able to project and fill a larger space with her vocals that aren't even singing something concrete and memorised yet. If it's somewhere she's familiar with, that will also help her to relax, get into her creative headspace and churn out some hopefully great songs.

I'm totally manifesting a reworked version of 'Dum Dum', sluttily slowed down and given an ethereal angelic bit in there as a contrast. (Yeah I haven't slept in nearly 3 days so my brain is all over the place. So apologies for my weird, over-analysed, scrutiny of her entire back catalogue - including the unreleased stuff - I'm just hyper AF. Coming back to the boards, to then get hyped over a new album we know nothing about, probably wasn't the smartest idea. I really need to take some sleeping tablets and go to bed. Sorry again for sperging out so much, lol.)

I want her to re-embrace her sultry vixen side, now that she's gone through the cathartic, vulnerable stuff. Obviously I'm not expecting her to return to her younger style (she's older and more mature like the rest of us) but I want some kind of voluptuous, sexy vibe. Like sonically I'm after some 'Million Dollar Man' and 'Your Girl'' 'Gods & Monsters' 'Hollywood's Dead' 'Terrence Loves You' 'Yayo' kind of sounds, with stuff like 'Thunder' 'Dealer' and 'Wait For Life'. Bring Back Emile for the big sound production, with some 'Is This Happiness', 'Heroin', 'Beautiful Player', 'Black Beauty', 'Shades Of cool' 'JFK' 'Buddy's Rendezvous'' and '13 Beaches' type of tracks in there for slower dramatic dreaminess. I was also obsessively listening to 'Playing Dangerous' recently and the way she had sampled some old 60's girl band stuff reminded me of a couple of the songs on Adele's last album. I love that retro groove (and it could possibly help to get her a 'chart-worthy song that appeals to the masses), so some stuff like that, maybe channelling some Dusty Springfield drama. (This sort of thing could really work with a bit of Mark Ronson magic) Being in Alabama though I think we are going to see some country vibe, and I really hope that if she does, she takes it in the direction of Amanda Shires (her recent album 'Take It Like A Man' has a few tracks on there that would suit Lana's voice. (Everyone should listen to that album, as well as Shires's 'Down Came The Doves album; trust me, you'll love them both) And if she could get on board with some dramatic country 'Murder Ballads' she would absolutely "kill" it. (If she's thinking of incorporating some southern state, working class vibe and references anything do with waitressing in restaurants, I'd LOVE her to shake it up with some dreamy, 'Twin Peaks' sounds and iconography. She could really shine in that vein) (Just please don't work with, or even mention Nikki fricking Lane again please. That chick is drab AF) If I were to get my absolute perfect album it would be Lana collaborating with Nick Cave for some dark, haunting and brooding, American Gothic inspired murder ballads and dramatic storytelling, with some of it potentially set amid a beautiful, crumbling, antebellum mansion. I would die a very happy woman if that combo ever came together! I'm also so over trying to shoehorn political crap and clumsy, out of place tokenism, into music. Stop trying to prove to the crazy far leftists that you're not a racist, homophobe or whatever the insult du jour happens to be. Fuck what anyone thinks or says if you just happen to make an album without a bunch of other women and non-white people in it, that's perfectly fine. I'm not saying to avoid working with people of any stripe based on their identity. I just want things to be organically complimentary to the themes and musicality of the songs. You can never appease the mad people. Just focus on making the best music you possibly can with the best people for the job. (which incidentally precludes Nikki Lane from even being allowed to set foot in the studio, lol! I want dark, sexy, seductress Lana, embracing her femininity, but with that dramatic vixen vibe she owns so well. Jazzy, dark and sexy. Bring sexy back Lana! (And if 'Children Of The Bad Revolution' or 'Catch and Release' could be reworked to modernise them in a way that made them still relevant, would be awesome. But I obviously have tendency to want and hope for the absolute impossible. But she really does have to work with Nick Cave at some point. They would be perfect together. Someone needs to make it happen!)

Okay but FR this sounds exactly like something I could hear her releasing, on her country style album. She has the right kind of vocal flexibility to go in with either a deep voice, or her much higher "head voice"....or a combo of the two.

Yes, especially because it's just so full and rich, cinematically sweeping and manages to straddle both being an homage to old school jazz, and an up to date sound that manages to come across as timeless. Yes it's a bit clunky insofar as some of the songs aren't really right for the album (Shades Of Cool would have worked beautifully on it, 13 Beaches Should Have Been On It, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood is a weird and sort of dull cover, Swan Song should have been the closer) but it's a stunningly beautiful album that totally surprised me when it came out and made me realise just what a capacity for genre-adopting/twisting Lana had as a songwriter, as well as singing even more ethereally than I already knew. It's one of my favourites and I love to languish about listening to it in summer especially.

Listening to Honeymoon today, I couldn't help but think that it was the sort of album she should have been releasing at this point in her career. Most of the tracks have a more mature feel to them that really wouldn't be out of sync with an artist in her later years. Plus, just hearing the opening line "We both know, that it's not fashionable to love me" would just be such an appropriate message right now.

Elton has made a habit of always buying the newest released albums and giving them all a critical listen - partly so he can stay abreast of what's current, but also because whenever he hears something unique and interesting, he literally calls the artist up himself on the telephone to compliment them on their music. He has nothing to prove musically anymore. He's been outrageous and controversial. He's done various genres and worked with a bunch of big names from the pop to rock and blues to musical theatre genres. He has nothing to gain from remaining on the pulse of the newest music, but he likes to give credit where credit's due and a phone call from one of the big names in music lends more than a hint of credence to an upcoming artist's music.

Shenanigans.

Somebody had to come up with something beyond "What breakfast cereal will be this era be sponsored by" so I simply stopped taking my meds and listened to what the other voices inside my head were telling me.

Yeah, it started out as a bit of fun for me too, but once I'd seen the red/white/blue connection, that was like a gateway theory, to a greater, more insane, grand, interconnected theory of all kinds of crazy...and before I knew it I was starting to believe in it myself. I'm like the QAnon of LanaBoards...so far gone I've barely taken the time to look into what the Pentagon are truly trying to distract us all from, by coming out with all this "UFO's be real, y'all! stuff. A girl can only deal with so may conspiracy theories at one time.

I mean...we KNOW she IS reading...we just don't know which one of us is actually her...

Chile, tis okay...I just feel sorry for you; for the secrets of the LDR code will remain unknown to you! (But yeah, it appears I write as much as I type when I'm not fully medicated, so I learned that today, lol)

Okay, enough of all this fake "insider" information that's been getting everyone's knickers in a knot...now it's time for some 'Real Tea - Outsider Edition 2021' Guys, Gals, Nonbinary pals, let me introduce you to my 'Grand Uniting Theory Of The Great Interconnectedness Of All Things LDR' in which I will attempt to persuade all of you that we have all been mere pawns in a real life social experiment, the weirdness of which surpasses anything David Lynch himself could come up with! Y'all have been sitting here wondering whether or not July 4th is going to be a real release date, when in reality, it doesn't actually matter. What really matters is what that date represents: America in all her red, white & blue splendour. Because 'Red White And Blue' is actually the key to cracking the Lana Del Rey code. We all know that Lana frequently references these three colours in so many of her songs, but there's more to it than that: these are how she has colour coded her album releases from BTD onwards. BTD is a 'Red, White And Blue' coloured album. It is dripping in American iconography/references and the photos/stills from it frequently feature Stars & Stripes flags. UV is a 'White' album. From the tee-shirt that she's wearing on the cover to the multiple references throughout, it screams white. HM is a 'Blue' album. Again from the visuals and also from multiple references LFL is a 'Red' album. It is a red hot, cherry, wine and jam-packed rouge coloured, if confusing album. Remember, all albums feature her mentioning r, w & b throughout, so don't be distracted by the micro, think thematically macro for this. Anyway, next we have: NFR. Another 'Red, White And Blue' album. Again with multiple references to America and another Stars & Stripes flag on the cover, this time it's a slightly different, almost oppositional version of Americana - the title itself being a tongue-in-cheek reference to Rockwell's wholesome, trad interpretation of an American era gone by. (And BAR defo belonged on a r/w.b album) COCC is another 'White' album. The first single being 'White Dress' and the white cover and many other references/images of pearls and chemtrails etc. BB therefore is going to be another 'Blue' album. Or rather the album that BB is going to be on (it doesn't matter either way, we're worrying about the wrong details here folks) is another 'Blue' album. Which means that LDR9 (whether it's already in production, has been made or whatever) is going to be another 'Red' album. That might possibly be something that plays into the RCS imagery that many have supposed. Maybe it WILL be more confrontational lyrically too, which is a very red coloured concept. But all this still allows for the possibility of a double 'Red & Blue' album for those who are holding out hope for a glorious twofer. But then that leaves us wondering what comes next. Well, I think that it could be one of two things. LDR10 will either be another 'Red, White And Blue' album that will see her first proper release and (what I believe will be) her last album bookended with 'Red, White & Blue' coloured albums. And I do think that LDR10 will be her actual 'Swan Song'. The number is nice and round and it would giver her just the right amount of time to then retire off to a Kate Bush-esque self-imposed sequestering, where she is able to have and raise a child. Whether or not she will get married first will remain to be seen, but in 'This Is How To Disappear' she talked of the cats and the kid in the yard. She already has the cats in place, she just needs to disappear in order to have and raise little Clementine in a blissfully remote location, away from the public. Or the final album LDR10 could take a different direction which may already have been hinted at somewhat. We've already covered how she frequently uses the colours r, w & b in her songs. But what's the other colour she mentions all the time? Black. LDR10 could be her 'Black Album'. Not exactly in the same vein as Metallica (lol) but it could be her moment where she finally lets loose and goes 'Fuck You!' to everyone who ever doubted her, criticised her or snubbed her. Maybe it'll be that revenge album we've all heard and speculated about so much. Who knows. I do think that either the final album being either a last 'Red, White And Blue' album or her 'Black' album finale are what the cards hold for us, if the LDR Code is pointing us in the right direction. And we've all been calling her albums 'eras' in their singular form up until now, but what if the era's were 2 separate movements, each spearheaded with an 'American' r, wh & b vibe album, with 3 subsequent colour-themed albums under them for each era. It makes sense being as she loves 3's. Her albums often have triumvirates of songs (like, there were 3 Lolita referenced songs on BTD - a book that itself holds a mirror up to America, via the eyes of both its emigre author and emigre antihero) - even a lot of her songs have 3 movements (verse, pre-chorus, chorus) But TBH she really just loves numbers and playing with them in general. She sees meaning in them and likes how the play into her overall 'master plan'. And I believe she's had all this planned out for a while now...showing us all sides to her, all her influences, all her musical tastes etc. Those first albums were big production, then from NFR onward the next ones are less cinematic, more introspective. The eras are a mirror of each other...mirroring being a trick the mistress herself uses in so many of her songs. And 'Burnt Norton' being an excerpt from 'Four Quartets' - a metaphysical poem by T.S. Eliot - also feels like her sending a message about her plans & schemes: "Time present and time past, are both perhaps present in time future, and time future contained in time past. If all time is eternally present, all time is unredeemable." To me this just speaks to the grand plan she has in place: the echoes/mirroring of sampling from previous eras, the foreshadowing, and the frequent use of repeated imagery. After UV dropped, critics were already panning her for what they saw as overused cliqued references; but if my theory makes sense these repeated references act like solid touchstones in a maelstrom of other ordered chaos that allows for a sense of continuity outside of coloured album grouping, number preferences and mirroring. I honestly think that most of her known career has been gamified. From the terrible vocal of that 1st SNL performance (which got her way more attention than a normal good performance would) to all the "leaked" songs that then never made it onto albums (which I actually think she leaked herself) to her 'QFTC' which stirred up a ton of attention, and now with the "selphies" era which again everyone is talking about. She knows what she's doing. Even the release of a song called 'Text Book' - which has old BTD/UV/HM vibes - is a total dig at those of us who keep saying how we want her to make more 'Lana-esque' songs again. Like "Okay, so you liked me better back then, well here you go stans!" And I think perhaps this all came into being in her mind after her original AKA album wasn't well received and she decided to use some media savvy tricks to not only create a persona that has captivated and confused everyone for a decade now, but also send repeated "fuck yous" to the media and music press and critics in so many songs in almost all of her albums. I feel we're all at the mercy of a genius who has been wreaking her "revenge" from day one and has reeled the haters in bit by bit, with her gradual shift in tonality, lyricism and structure. Starting off big, then gradually bringing us all around to the sound of AKA (with songs like PSB) it's like she's taken us by the nose and dragged us all around to the point where both we AND the critics/music industry are praising her for a sound she was already embodying right from day one. She done played us good y'all! It's a fantastic "How do you like me now?" moment that she foreshadowed way back in the day. Think about it. She was singing about how do you like me now I'm on the radio, on a song that came from her first proper commercial album to get a big(ish) release to the GP. She's already talking up how she's going to be viewed differently as she gets more hype, attention and airplay...at a time when she hadn't been in a place to see the good reception that BTD et al actually got. How does that work? "She laughs, like God, her mind's like a diamond" I mean when I put it all like that I know it sounds incredibly Machiavellian, but as a student of philosophy she'll be well versed in what that truly means. "Anyone can start again, not by love by from revenge, through the fire we're born again, peace by vengeance brings the end." <--- if this isn't a hint at what was to come I don't know what is. She wants to burn out not fade away and she's been hinting at that with all the talk of burning that goes on in all her albums. (Which might just lend more credence to the idea of her final LDR10 album being her 'Black' album after all.) That campy, witchy promo she did for LDR is like her overall approach to creating her entire vision which she has been set on since day one, just with a bit of tinkering as to what era consisted of/what coloured albums she put each song on. I mean it's dark sure...but it's just a game y'all. Anyway, thank you for coming to my TED talk. You're welcome. As with all great theories, mine will rely upon its being being tested and possibly disproved by the rest of you. Now discuss, my fellow delulus, discuss! You asked for some tea...now consider it well and truly served. FIN. Turns out I can't type as fast as I'd like with my nails this long and my meds not yet fully on board.