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The "Do You?" Game

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Yea. With something I could change, albeit at a dent to my pride and pocket, I did. With something I couldn't (a relationship in which I was being taken for a fool, which it took me about a year to realize) I had to cut my losses.

 

Do you have any creative outlets? 


locals only

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hmm probably not because i consider marriage to honestly be a curse and something thats way too materialistic (at least in america, my parents never got married and they've been together 25+ years)

 

Do you believe in climate change?


Lana Del Rey Honeymoon GIF

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No. I'm grateful, for where I am, and I guess I'm the only one who can really say why I am where I am and know that it's valid, but I'm not content, and I'm working more towards where I want to be. It's funny bc I always knew where I saw myself since an earlier age for myself, but I got stuck focusing on other people's problems and expectations of me that I took care of, instead of taking care of myself. But I understand how important it was for me to've been derailed, and take those lessons w me everyday. I've been slowly fixating my focus towards myself this year especially than others tho, so for that part, I'm grateful, but I wanna keep doing more. 

Do you have any irrational fears? What've ya done about them? 



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I have a lot of different irrational fears that come and go. Some come back and others I haven't seen since in years. I actually wrote a poem recently on my blog Junkyard Scraps on here about my irrational fear of people killing themselves. During family therapy sessions if my father had to use the restroom I'd beg him not to kill himself, crying and just pleading. When I was in the hospital and my parents were leaving I would also beg them not to hurt themselves and I'd just break down. It was irrational, they have never attempted or hurt themselves, to my knowledge. I have OCD so I'm basically a grab bag of irrational fears. Something I struggled with for a couple years was the fear of dying. I had to do certain things to keep myself from dying. I actually stopped writing for 2 months in sophomore year because I was so scared it would kill me. So I couldn't get any paper work done. I had geometry at the time so I couldn't draw all those lines or in music I couldn't write little compositions. I'm very fortunate to have good support and good psychiatric services around me. When I have fears, well sometimes I avoid them. Sometimes I get afraid to walk up or down the stairs, so I just kinda make myself stop thinking and then just go for it. If I'm afraid to leave the house, usually I don't. But I haven't felt that way in a while. When I'm afraid I'll die, that one is more complicated. I just resist the compulsion as best as I can or give in to it. Resisting is super hard because it causes such intense fear and pain. But I've gotten over one of my worst compulsions by "riding the wave" and waiting it out until my fear subsided. I would usually be in the hospital/emergency room/group home because it was so debilitating and complex and I had a few people help me manage my panic attack and try to get me to use coping skills to resist the compulsions. 

 

Do you have any passions that have gotten you through hard times?


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I’d say video games, about a year ago. I was feeling really bad, I moved back home after failing classes at uni and I told myself I would start studying again because I really wanted to pass those classes and get my bachelors, but I just couldn’t. I felt horribly bad all the time, I eventually started crying by just picking up a paper with notes on, and video games became my escape. I played my favorite series of all time and I could tell I was getting obsessed again and I partly told myself it was ok to take a break after studying nonstop for four years, partly I shouldn’t be enjoying myself when I’ve failed school. I still think to myself I’m not allowed to have fun because of things. Why have fun when you could do other, more important things? But yeah, anyway, playing video games made me momentarily forget about things and helped me get better.

 

Do you like to go on walks without having a goal?

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Yes it is so calming

 

Do you like rock music?


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"Swan Song. It’s on my album Honeymoon. It’s the antithesis of hopefulness. It’s about trying to find beauty in giving up. If I had my way, I would continue to persist in all areas of my life, but it can be quite challenging because I can be too trusting too soon."

 

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even though i know there's nothing my personal contributions can do to stop said threat, yeah. i've been vegan for nearly four years, i use reusable utensils/straws as often as possible, and i don't support fast fashion in any way. there was also a solid three year period where i would only take cold showers smhgjdhsg

 

do you do any form of art? what mediums?


CAUSE BACK IN SCHOOL

WE ARE THE LEADERS OF IT ALL

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