Member of the Week: Hundred Dollar Bill

[Guest OPRAH]

 

Please watch this first to set the mood for the MotW interviews:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNxKgqek6Z0

 

"Hi and welcome to The Oprah Show!!

 

"I have a special announcement to make....

 

"SITARHEROOOOOOOO AND HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLLLLLL ARE ON THE SHOW TODAYYYYYY!!!"

 

 

~SCREAMS OF A PREDOMINATELY WHITE, MIDDLE-AGED, FEMALE AUDIENCE PIERCE THE SILENCE OF THE DEAD FORUM~

 

~BABY V ALEX SCREAMS 'N SHOUTS, THANKING GODNEY~

~ATARAXIA REACHES INTO HER JACKET POCKET, GRABS HER FLASK, AND DOWNS THE REST OF HER VODKA IN CELEBRATION~

~MADRIGAL IS TOO BUSY TALKING TO THE SHOW'S PRODUCERS -- HOW LONG HAVE THEY WORKED WITH OPRAH? WHICH SHOWS HAVE THEY INDIVIDUALLY PRODUCED? -- TO REALIZE THE EXCITING NEWS~

~GAGAOOPSY HOPS UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT, ACCIDENTALLY RELEASING THE HEART-SHAPED BALLOONS HE HAD BEEN CLENCHING SO TIGHTLY IN HIS HANDS. THEY DISPERSE AND FLOAT ABOVE THE AUDIENCE, ACCENTING THE JOYOUS OCCASION~

~HELLION REMAINS STOIC, SIDE-EYING THE BASIC BITCHES IN THE AUDIENCE AND FILING HIS NAILS~

 

It is already apparent that this will be a Member of the Week like no other.

 

 

"HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL, COME ON OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

 

 

The audience's cries and screams swell as the sliding doors reveal Bill's slim silhouette. He steps out into the brightness of the studio, a grin on his movie-star handsome face and a twinkle in his eye. Bill saunters out, clearly enjoying the effect he has on the frenzied audience members. He approaches Oprah, greeting her with a hug and a whisper in her ear -- "What the fuck? I just find out you're interviewing Sitar too?" -- he leans back, a clenched smile on his face, and give the audiences a wave. The ugly-creying audience errupts with screams.

 

Oprah leans into him, and in a hushed tone says, "I know. I didn't have any fucking choice."

 

To the studio audience and viewers at home, it looks like any other friendly exchange between a guest and host on a talk show. They have no idea. The two address the audience, both forcing smiles as they wave. This is not at all what they wanted.

 

 

"LET'S GET STARTEEEEEEEEEEEEED! Okay Bill, where to begin? How about..."

 

 

What did you do today?

I spent most of the day relaxing naked in my house. No one was home, so it was the perfect opportunity to do so! It's really.. enlightening. You should try it if you've never done it. I also cooked some grilled cheese sandwiches on this new cinnamon bread we have, and it was amazing. Cooking while naked is amazing. It may sound boring, but I really needed a day like this.

 

Oprah's Reaction: Yes, yes, I too love to relax.

 

What's something not many people know about you or that we would be surprised to learn about?

Hmm.. well, I'm really nerdy. Like, in personality and demeanor. I went on a date with this guy some months ago, and he told me he was surprised how dorky/nerdy I was, and that he didn't expect that out of me at all. I guess my appearance makes people think I wouldn't be the way I am, I don't know. When it comes to my demeanor, I actually spend way too much time playing video games and stuff like that. Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, The Legend of Zelda, Super Smash Bros., Pokemon, etc. I used to call one of my best friends on the phone often and we would duel each other with our decks of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. I read too. I mean, everyone reads, but you know. I guess, when you couple my interests with my personality, I'm just a generally nerdy person. I'm not one of those, "omg i luv anime!!1!1!!!" nerds, but I'd still say I'm nerdy. Also, for some reason it surprises people that I'm a virgin? A few people here showed surprise at hearing that, and most people I meet in person are surprised by that as well. I don't know why.. (._.)

 

What's your current career? What's your dream job?

I don't have a job, as I'm a senior in High School and I just can't be fucked to pick up a damn phone and call around for an application. I really need a job though. My dream job? I want to be a record producer, so I can make music for people, primarily myself. Music is my drive. My mother's side of the family is very artistic so it runs in my veins! I want to be an actor, too. I want to do a lot of things.

 

What did you want to be when you were growing up? Have you become that yet? Did that decision change for you?

I am so ready for this question!! Okay, storytime. I remember this vividly too, so here we go. I don't know how it was at your school, but when I was in kindergarden, the teacher would walk around and ask all the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up at some point in the year. I told them I wanted to be Pikachu. :3

 

Oprah's reaction:

 

Aren't I adorable? Okay, actual answer. When I was about 12, I really wanted to be a Video Game Designer, I'd watch all those special features things that came with my games and it looked like so much fun. I told you I'm a nerd! When I was about 14, I really... wanted to be a pornstar. Ugh. I'm glad I've grown up as I have, I'd say I'm on the road to a good future with what I want to do now!

 

What are your hobbies?

I like to read, listen to music, contemplate why I think so much, and what my thoughts mean and how they affect my actions. I don't play video games as much as I did over the summer, I play them a lot but I've been really busy this school year. I really love writing, actually. I write a lot. Poems/Songs, whatever you'd call it. It's not music yet, but it will be! I really love acting, too! I like going for walks and thinking about wind. I talk a lot.

 

What is your favorite memory?

The first thing that comes to mind is when I was like 4, my Nana (mom's mom) would let me stay up late with her, and we'd lay in bed together eating ice cream and watching old western films. She was my favorite person, I miss her so much.

 

Do any of the words “sassy”, “fabulous”, or “flawless” describe you?

All of the above, of course.

 

Oprah's reaction: LOL, what?

 

Bullshit. I'm not really fabulous.. at least, I don't think so. I'm too nerdy to be fabulous. I can be sassy as fuck though, and this bod is 100% flaw-free.

 

 

If you could bring two people back from the dead, have an exquisite dinner, and some great conversation with them...who would they be and what would you eat?

Well.. the first person would have to be my Nana. She died when I was 5, she was 40, she had pancreatic cancer. I don't remember a lot about her, but the memories i do have of her are very fond, and I know she was my favorite person. The other person.. maybe Marilyn Monroe? That may seem like a "generic" answer, but she's such an interesting woman and she left behind such a legacy. She's an icon. I'd talk to her about astrology and how we're both Geminis, and I'd want to know her thoughts on the concept of fame and if the negative aspects are worth all the adoration and attention you're given. With my Nana, I'd just want to talk to her about anything and get to know her better. I'd want her to get to know me, too, and I just really want to hug her and tell her how much I've missed her. I'm gonna cry thinking about this. :\ She was a wonderful woman that put her family first. We would eat ice cream because that's what me and my Nana used to eat in bed together while watching old movies!! I don't know what they like to eat but I'm a pretty picky eater, so "exquisite" food doesn't really do anything for me. Maybe I'd have a really nice burger or something. God, I'm so American. Here's a picture of my Nana!

 

 

 

 

Oprah's reaction: Beautiful!

 

Do you believe in any form of life after death?

I don't know. Thinking about these kind of things really freak me out, because I just don't know. I believe for myself that there is life after death though, because I feel that the human conscious and spirit is too strong to die when our body does. I just can't wrap my mind around how something as constant as consciousness could just stop, you know?

 

Who is the person you admire most and why?

i admire frankee bcuz hes so talented and isnt afraid 2 put bitches in theyre place. hes really sexy 2 have u seen his video??? watch it its amazing

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AqMwF129A_k

 

Oprah's reaction: This is exquisite. Stedman, hold me.

 

What do you see in people that you yourself wish to emulate?

This kind of ties in with the characteristic question farther down. I'd like to be a bit more self-confident. I also want to be more internally optimistic. I want to be more outgoing. Sometimes I complain to myself that people don't approach me, but I just need to be outgoing because I just do. This one girl told me I look intimidating though. :\

 

Make up a word that you would use daily and describe what it means.

Sitarded - adj. showcasing extreme amounts of stupidity similar to SitarHero.

ex. "Wow, you're sitarded. Can you even read?"

 

Oprah's reaction: LOL, like this?

 

If your balls were a celebrity couple, who would they be?

Britney Spears and K-Fed, because one is beautiful and recovered from hard times in its life, while the other swelled up like a whale.

 

Oprah's reaction: That's beautiful.

 

LANA QUESTIONS

When did you become a fan of Lana? What was it about her that attracted you to her?

Ah.. late November/early December of last year. I first heard Video Games and it didn't grab my attention really, but when I saw that Born to Die was a free single on iTunes, I decided I'd give her a proper chance and download it. I fell in love. After that, I got the EP and preordered BTD on iTunes. The main thing that attracted me was the cinematic feeling BTD gave off. I love music like that, very intense and full of emotion... sonically. The music itself drew me in, then her voice, and then the amazing lyrics. Off to the Races really grabbed me after that, everything about her really just pulled me in honestly. I use the word "really" a lot.. :\

 

Which Lana album is your favorite: Born to Die, Lana Del Ray AKA Lizzy Grant, or Sirens?

Lana Del Ray AKA Lizzy Grant! It is, simply put, an amazing record.

 

Favorite Lana song? Why?

It's a tie between Hundred Dollar Bill (the first version, 4:01, the good one) and Lucky Ones. I'll say Hundred Dollar Bill though because it has more plays. Well.. it's just sexy. The beat is DOPESICKFRESH2DEATH. The bass is so heavy, the strings in the chorus so atmospheric, the money sounds so flashy. Her voice is so sultry in that song, it's pure sex. The lyrics are pretty damn great as well, I mean, come on, the opening line is enough to slay your faves any day. "Jimmy pulls up in his blue Chevy Nova, I have been dyin' for him to come over."

 

Least favorite Lana song? Why?

Dark Paradise. For my in-depth review of why it's so terrible, see here. In short, it's just really melodramatic and annoying IMO. Too simplistic, overdramatic, which is saying a lot for Lana. It's just a weak song.

 

If given the opportunity to meet Lana for an hour, what would you do/say?

I'd probably cry, tbh. We'd hug, and I'd ask her if the hardships she's dealt with were worth where they've gotten her now. I'd just want us to be somewhere beautiful and quiet so we could have a really good conversation for that hour. I'd tell her about how Lucky Ones is my favorite song from BTD and how I wish her management didn't tell her that she should sing lower because she has such a beautiful and effortless voice when she sings high-pitched. We'd talk about astrology and boys and love and music.

 

Would you rather love and be loved or know all God knows?

I'd rather love and be loved. Love is so nice. :\

 

Oprah's reaction: I wouldn't know what's that like. Stedman hates me.

 

Of all the unreleased videos and songs we have knowledge of, what do you thirst for most?

I'd really like to hear Heart Shaped Chevrolet, based on the title alone. I also want to hear Scarface, because I love Daddy Issues and I think Lana & Aaron made magic with that one.

 

Are you the leaker?

d0 U gUy$ w@nna h3@R F!ll m3 Up??!1?!? PM m3 if U wAnn@ tR@de 4 iT!!! xxXx

 

Are you Lana?

Taste my pussy and find out for yourself. :creepy:

 

Oprah's reaction: Are you joking? I will take you up on that.

 

 

Are you Ben Mawson?

Am I hot? Yes! Do I love Lana? Yes! Do I enjoy stepping on the happiness of her fans because I'm a rudebitch? No! Huh, guess I'm not Ben then. Weird.. I thought for a minute I would be him.

 

Did you answer the 3 questions above honestly?

maybe

 

Who are your favourite artists?

Lana, Aural Vampire, Britney, Ke$ha, Chromatics, Beach House, Crystal Castles, Glass Candy, Trust, Blood On the Dance Floor, Uffie, Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, PlayRadioPlay!, Nobuo Uematsu, Combichrist, Bright Eyes, We Love. I'm also getting into Kate Bush more now, thanks to iloveguineapigs!

 

What was the last book you read?

Always & Forever and Five Other Lies by Veronica Simunovic. It's my favorite novel ever, you should read it.

 

 

 

Do you like horror movies, and if so, what's your favorite? Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, or Jason Voorhees?

I love horror movies! Halloween, Scream, The Paranormal Activity Series. Michael Myers is obviously the best. He's the creepiest and he doesn't run and he doesn't even talk, like, your faves are slayed. His movies are actually good, too, unlike Freddy and Jason's.

 

Oprah's reaction:

 

Recommend us a song (can’t be top 40/popular) that we just have to listen to!

This, this, this, and this.

Wait, was that more than 1 song? Oh well.

 

If you ever became a musician, what would you make your stage name?

I've been thinking about this a long time and I just don't know.. (._.)

This is irrelevant but my friend Will wants to be a drag queen and he told me his name will be Jenna Talia.

 

What comes after “Lana Del Rey” in your music library?

The Legend of Zelda!! Ugh, guys, video game soundtracks > everything.

 

Oprah's reaction: You tell 'em Bill! YOU TELL 'EM.

 

Put your iPod/music library on shuffle and tell us which 10 songs are played. Don't skip, don't cheat!

Soft Skin - Cosmetics

Metal Gear II / Theme of Solid Snake - Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Bass Down Low (feat. The Cataracs) - Dev

Yayo (Paradise) - Lana Del Rey

Deeper Understanding - Kate Bush (iloveguineapigs )

Possibility - Lykke Li

Envy - Johnnyboyxo (everyone needs a tranthem [tranny anthem])

I Hate You (Don't Leave Me) - Ke$ha

Shine Like Gold & Diamonds - Glass Candy

This Ready Flesh - Trust

 

Do you hate anyone? If so, why?

Yes. I hate Sitar because his responses are probably going to be better than mine.

just kidding I really don't know how to answer this question. You know what's fucking stupid? All the questions i'm having trouble answering are the ones I suggested in this thread.

I guess I really don't hate anyone. It's not healthy to hate.

 

What are the small things in life that make you as happy as a kitty?

Hmmm... small things? Sitar's dick.

 

Oprah's reaction:

 

I really love music, I guess that's a small thing. Books. Kindness of strangers. Leaves.

 

What do you think your purpose is? Are you happy with where you are in life?

I don't know. I hope it's to make music and act and be happy and travel with some wonderful man, but maybe that's not what's planned for me. Right now, I'd say I'm fairly content. I'm learning to be happy with what I'm given and that's just a really wonderful feeling. Wonderful wonderful wonderful.

 

What is a characteristic / trait you see in others that you wish you had?

I can't say if it's true for others, because this is an internal thing, but I wish I could have more inner confidence like some other people I know. I'm confident in myself in certain ways, but not more important ones. I think i'm far too introspective and I really need to just believe in myself sometimes rather than seek approval or recognition from others.

 

What are your pet peeves / deal-breakers when it comes to friends/relationships?

Rudeness, lying, the inability to hold a good conversation. If you're rude, you can fuck off. Liars are shit, end of story. I'm really talkative so if I'm standing there blabbing away and you can't contribute, just leave.

 

What would you say is your favorite physical trait + personality trait in potential partner?

Physical? Hmm.. ugh, LIPS. God damn, I love lips. Fuck. They must be plump. It's no fun kissing a guy with small lips, it really isn't. I also love biceps, the chest, and ass. I'm a very touchy person. Obviously though, they must have a nice face because I do have to look at it. I was generally speaking in terms of sexually favored physical attributes, for general things, I like eyes and eyebrows. A guy with nice eyebrows can get it much easier than one without nice eyebrows. Personality? He definitely has to be a good conversationalist, in any aspect. If we can't talk on the phone, I'll want to text, and if you're boring in either degree I just don't have time for you. I'm very chatty so he'd need to be too. Also... funny! I'm kind of mean with my sense of humor, so if you can't handle that then see yourself out as well. God, I keep switching between first person and second person, I'm a grammatical mess. :\ He'd need to be intelligent as well. Idk really though, it's kind of a weird question because who doesn't want their significant other to have every positive aspect in the book? Eh.

 

do u like pies

Who doesn't? :3

 

what is ur favourite kind of pie

Blueberry pie w/vanilla ice cream.

 

Oprah's reaction: Not lemon pie? Judgin u.

 

do u enjoy flying kites, if so, what would ur ideal kite look like, describe it

Wait how is this related to pie--oh. Uh.. well, I guess flying kites is nice. I've only done it a few times. I'd want my kite to be a diamond, because diamonds are pretty and I'm superficial like Lana. There'd be a big diamond in the center and it would shine and grab everyone's attention juST LIKE ME BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT. i'm sorry this is what happens when you let me talk for too long.

 

BONUS: Is there anything you'd like to tell the community of LanaBoards?

I love you guys! This forum has been such an amazing place to be, I've laughed until I've cried, learned a bunch of new things, made great friends, and I get to share my obsession of Lana with all of you wonderful people. This is really my favorite place to be, it's all I really do on the internet. I don't know, a bunch of the members before me have put funny/cute things here, but I can't think of any jokes to make. I just really love being here and you guys are awesome. Sitar, you're basic, sit down. Just kidding. You are awesome and funny and blahblah sentimental shit that we can just go over on the phone. You're the big fish to my small pond. Maru OPRAH, I love you and by the time this interview is posted, you'll have probably changed your name but I love you for all your goofy perks just as much as your intelligence and wit! You are a really wonderful person and I know you don't feel that way sometimes but I promise you that you are. I can't wait to meet the both of you.

 

Oprah's reaction: Bill!!! Gee!! :') You didn't have to mention me!! :3

 

I'd name more people but then I'd feel like I'd have to name everyone I have ever interacted with on here and I just think you're all cool okay? Okay. xx (p.s. iloveguineapigs, you are adorable)

 

 

Interview finished, the show cuts to commercial break and the cheerful facade is over.

 

"Fix this!" Bill hisses, his smile replaced with a grimace. He rips off his mic and throws it on the ground, storming out of the studio.

 

~LE FIN~

 

For a sneakpeak of Sitar's interview, to be posted at a later date:

Sitar stumbles onto stage, clearly late and basic. The audience shifts uncomfortably, disturbed by the contrast from the glowing previous guest to this slovenly piece of shit. Oprah checks her watch, dread filling her chest. Who the fuck chose this guy?

 

To Sitar:

 

 

 

[greymillenium 541]

Great interview. The Oprah evolution makes perfect sense now.

 

and also what are the songs the Hundred Dollar Bill recommended?

[Guest OPRAH]

Great interview. The Oprah evolution makes perfect sense now.

 

and also what are the songs the Hundred Dollar Bill recommended?

 

I actually wanted to change my name a day after I made the switch , but figured I should keep it and play it up for my last two MotW interviews (Bill himself will be taking the reigns after I'm done with Sitar's interview, so look out for that!)

 

I don't know what the first two are (I was PMed the interview in that format), but I know the third is Highway Man (Johnny Cash) and the fourth is Real Love (Beach House). :3

 

As for what I think about this interview, I thought it was lovely and so thoughtful and insightful :flutter:

 

That's my Bill for you! :')

 

[Hundred Dollar Bill 21,461]

The first song is Capricorn Rising by Mike Simonetti.

The second song is Innsmouth by Aural Vampire.

 

[Baby V Alex 2,858]

~BABY V ALEX SCREAMS 'N SHOUTS, THANKING GODNEY~r.

 

 

I stop reading after this, tbh

 

[PrettyBaby 2,213]

Congrats, Hun'ed! You are the awesomest!!!

[YUNGATA 14,944]

omg my sides. i should have read this sober this was a lot to take in.

[Sitar 22,173]

Oops, that's a lot more thought out and thorough than mine.

[Arzi 1,979]

Lovely interviews, you guys are so clever and funny and amazing job, Maru!

[Sitar 22,173]

SITARDED, HAHAHA

 

Let me find a gif of some sexy dude blowing up Oprah's studio for you to incorporate for the next interview.

[NEAL 739]

Congrats. Bananas per usual. And Maru, might I contribute darlin?

[Cleopatra 1,099]

DOPE AS FUCK INTERVIEW! Congrats, HDB!

[Summertime Sadness 109]

Congratulations!!

[HunterAshlyn 685]

Ohmygod. I just literally read this in the middle of a party at someone's house.

 

That's how good this is. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. <3

[Lana Del Rey 750]

I read this instead of doing homework

it was so worth it

[TIARNZUS 4,591]

What is air?

[Mariann 254]

These interviews are getting more and more awesome every week! It's so funny, so insightful, so good...

[Sitar 22,173]

what is ur favourite kind of pie

Blueberry pie w/vanilla ice cream.

 

Must you hand me the material to make fun of you, HDB?

I think you know

[evilentity 13,303]

Cooking while naked is amazing. It may sound boring, but I really needed a day like this.

That sounds hazardous actually.

 

Also, for some reason it surprises people that I'm a virgin?

Don't sweat it. I'm sure I was a virgin a lot longer than you will be.

[Hundred Dollar Bill 21,461]

That sounds hazardous actually.

 

Well when you're making grilled cheeese sandwiches, it's not so bad.

I can see it being hazardous depending on what's being cooked.

 

Don't sweat it. I'm sure I was a virgin a lot longer than you will be.

 

I just don't see why people are so surprised by it, as if, since I'm almost a legal adult, I should've done that by now or something. Or that I'm "attractive," people will have expected I'm more likely to put out. That doesn't make sense to me. I'd ask how long it took you but that's probably none of my business. I'm not really against doing it, but I'm not gonna do it with just anyone, you know?