Member of the Week #7: Hellion

[Hundred Dollar Bill 21,805]

Hey everyone, I know we've been extremely a bit behind schedule with MotW lately, but Hellion's awesome interview along with the super-amazing-fantastical-cat-tastic interview coming after his will hopefully make up for it! I definitely think it will. Anyway, I had a lot of fun reading this one. It's one of my favorite interviews to date, although everyone's has been great. Let's all give Hellion a round of applause for beating out the.. uh.. thing... that is frankee. We all know that Hellion's sass is insurmountable though, and it sure shows through the interview! You'll all love it. On we go!

Member of the Week: Hellion

 

1. What did you do today?

I watched season seven of The Golden Girls while stuffing my face with an assortment of dairy products. Fabulous, I know.

 

2. What did you want to be when you were growing up? Have you become that yet? Did that decision change for you?

I wanted to be a lot when I was growing up. A voice actor, when I was like eight, because I loved Digimon and Pokémon and Dragon Ball Z and thought voicing a cartoon character was just asdfghjkl;. A plastic surgeon, when I was thirteen, because I had recently started watching Nip/Tuck and was blinded by the fictional life of a plastic surgeon. I also had a thang~ for Julian McMahon at the time, whew Lord. Then I wanted to be an actor, briefly I did a lot of janky-ass school plays in high school that went no where. I wanted to be an artist at one point, but again, that went no where. Eventually I settled on psychology, because I really want to help people - and I'm far too chicken to get on a plane (damn lack of control fear!) and go to Africa or Darfur or someplace, so ~reading people's minds~ is the next best thing.

 

But then I found out, to be where I want to be specifically, I'd have to be in school for ten to twelve years and I just don't have the time for that. Maybe one day. Sigh.

 

3. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment(s)?

Someone, last week's winner, I think, said their greatest accomplishment was saving a friend from suicide. My greatest accomplishment is this, sadly.

 

4. What are your hobbies?

Watching The Golden Girls, reading Batman graphic novels, writing nonsensical, plot-less dabbles... spilling the tea on LanaBoards? I don't know.

 

5. What's your biggest funny fail?

Nothing. I'm perfect in every way. Bow, peasants.

(HDB: If this surprises you, see yourself out.)

 

6. What is your favorite memory?

Christmas with the family. We've all pretty much gone our separate ways and don't get together as much as we used to anymore.

 

7. Lana's junior and high school years have been rather chaotic from what we know. How were/are yours?

Chile, no. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN, as I told y'all with my teacher, but that went nowhere because I'm a Christian. High school was kind to me. No dramatic stories of bullying or torture, no shenanigans. Kind of sucky and boring tbh.

 

8. Do any of the words “sassy”, “fabulous”, or “flawless” describe you?

All of the above, clearly. Hello.

 

9. If you could bring two people back from the dead, have an exquisite dinner, and some great conversation with them...who would they be and what would you eat?

Kurt Cobain, because while I'm not the biggest Nirvana, I'd love for him to spill the tea on how he feels about his ~infamous~ status on tumblr. Basic and generic, but that's my first choice anyway. Then... I don't know, Abe Lincoln, maybe? I'm related to him through my grandpa some generations back, I found out, so it'd be cool to speak with him I think.

 

I'm from the south and they're already dead, so we'd have something fried and artery clogging. YAS.

 

10. Do you believe in any form of life after death?

Yes. Not sure what else I should say here.

 

11. Who is the person you admire most and why?

Blanche from The Golden Girls. I think everyone should aspire to be like Blanche, honestly. She's in her fifties and just doesn't give a fuck. You think she's a slut? She ain't got time for that. You think she's too old to dress in sequins and leggings? SHE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT. She don't give a fuck and I live.

 

12. What do you see in people that you yourself wish to emulate?

I'm pretty shy and quiet and to myself, honestly. Surprisingly, perhaps. I would love to be more outgoing and extroverted like my peers, but alas - I'm happy sitting at home, watching The Girls and sobbing over Dorothy's departure.

 

...which in turn made no sense because really, was Dorothy just gonna leave and never speak to Sophia, HER OWN MOTHER, again? Like Rose and Blanche I could understand, married folk grown apart from their best friends all the time, but her own MOTHER!?

 

I digress.

 

13. Make up a word that you would use daily and describe what it means.

ghjds;jlfjkl;hrefsjkfn - verb; the act of stunting on basic ass bitches.

 

14. If your balls were a celebrity couple, who would they be?

Chris Brown and Rihanna. They're pretty big - not like abnormally big, but a little bigger than average, so they're always slapping around betwixt my thighs.

 

Ba-dum-bum-tish! ...I'll show myself out.

 

15. When did you become a fan of Lana? What was it about her that attracted you to her?

Off to the Races, I guess. I liked the melody of Video Games, but I didn't really use it, and I hated Blue Jeans. Ugh. But I loved the live performance of Born to Die. I was slayed. I was like YAAAS Lana! Fuck me HARD in the pouring rain! YAS! Surprise, surprise, that wasn't the lyrics. I was over it. But then I heard OTTR and, while I hated it at first, it got stuck in my head and I was SLAYED. THEN, I heard the National Anthem demo. I was like YAAAS Lana! What kind of ratchet, hood rat on a car, sex in a garage, Nirvana cover band tea is THIS? That 'ohvaysheuhn' killed me. The beat killed me. I was through.

 

But then, surprise, surprise, it didn't make the album. Bitch ass trick.

 

16. Which Lana album is your favorite: Born to Die, Lana Del Ray AKA Lizzy Grant, or Sirens?

Born to Die. I don't know them other stranger bitches.

 

(Everyone on the Forum: )

 

17. Favorite Lana song? Why?

At this particular moment, Body Electric. Reason? Have you heard it? It slays.

 

18. Least favorite Lana song? Why?

Gods & Monsters. I'm from the south so I don't have time for the borderline blasphemous stuff she says in that song, like... chile. I love the "fuck yeah, give itakljslkjfafsad truely want" line though. It's so overly dramatic for no reason, typical Lana, and I can relate.

 

19. If given the opportunity to meet Lana for an hour, what would you do/say?

I'd be like, "Lana, you in danger, girl. He says he knows the man who killed him, Willie Lopez. He's Puerto Rican." If she caught the reference, I'd then tell her, "Bitch, don't you ever in your fucking life try that Cillia hair AGAIN. Ever." I hate that fucking hair, so fucking much. Then I'd drag her for filth for destroying the National Anthem demo. Then read her a Monicker rant on how to properly record an album. If she didn't catch the reference, however, I'd walk away. I ain't got time to associate with anyone that doesn't know Ghost.

 

20. Would you rather love and be loved or know all God knows?

Love and be loved, I guess. What does this have to do with Lana?

 

(Everyone on Earth: :whoopi:)

 

21. Of all the unreleased videos and songs we have knowledge of, what do you thirst for most?

I don't follow any of that, and I hate most of her unreleased stuff, so... nothing?

 

(The Entire Universe: :whoopi: )

 

22. Are you the leaker?

No.

 

23. Are you Lana?

Would I have ever had that fucking hair if I were?

 

24. Are you Ben Mawson?

I wish I was. I'd pull my pants down and take a picture of my dick and then send it to me and then delete the text messag-- wait, if I were Ben, I guess theoretically I wouldn't exist, so perhaps I didn't think this through...

 

Ben Mawson is hawt. Take me here, take me now pls.

 

25. Did you answer the 3 questions above honestly?

Unfortunately.

 

26. Who are your favourite artists?

Lana, obviously. Britney was the first person I ever got in to, so she'll always have a special place in my heart. Jay, Kanye and Biggie are the cat's meow. Uh... Frank Ocean, Tyler, the Creator, I use them. I grew up on Johnny Cash, Frank Sinatra, The Eagles and Chicago and Air Supply, I use them as well. Hole, Nine Inch Nails, etc. I recently got into the Yeah Yeah Yeahs too.

 

Still waiting on YOU, Sitar. :shade:

 

27. What was the last book you read?

I really love Sin City, and in honor of them filming the second film, I started recording the graphic novels, which I've had for years but never read because I'm an impulse buyer that can't be trusted with any sort of income.

 

Long story short, The Hard Goodbye.

 

28. Do you like horror movies, and if so, what's your favorite? Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, or Jason Voorhees? (It better be Michael. I don't want to have to ban you.)

Michael, I guess. Halloween is the only series I can watch and enjoy. F13 has always been boring to me and Nightmare... ch. The first one was good, I guess, but the rest? Mess. I like the third one and New Nightmare though. But yeah, Mike is were it's at.

 

29. What comes after “Lana Del Rey” in your music library?

Lauryn Hill

 

30. Put your iPod/music library on shuffle and tell us which 10 songs are played. Don't skip, don't cheat!

National Anthem (Live) - Lana Legend

Don't Judge Me - Beat 'em Down Brown

Summertime - Hunter Hooligan (YAS!)

You Used to Love Me - Faith Evans

Young Forever (Live) - Kang-Z & Slayoncé

One More Summer - No Doubt

Bruk Out - Major Lazor

The Fear - Drake

I Cross My Heart - George Strait

Teleport to Me, Jamie - WZRD

 

Mess.

 

31. What are your thoughts on emotions, and the way that people express them?

WELL. In case you didn't know, I took metaphysics in high school and learned that emotions are why we, as human beings, are who we are. They connect us to the spiritual plane and help us express our love and hurt and pain to each other on a different level, and uh... we, uh... uh... it's all very metaphysical. You really wouldn't understand it unless you took the class that I took and I really couldn't explain it to you because that would break the secret code of metaphysics of truth and deception.

 

32. Do you hate anyone? If so, why?

People are fucking annoying, that's why. And that's okay because I'm sure countless people hate me as well. But, like Blanche, I don't give a fuck. See how I brought that full circle?

 

33. What are the small things in life that make you as happy as a baby kitty?

When you go through a twelve pack of Dr. Pepper and the last one is always the best one. Woo, chile.

 

34. What do you think your purpose is? Are you happy with where you are in life?

Is anyone ever happy with their happy? Aren't we always on some inner journey to find our true happiness?

~METAPHYSICS~

 

35. What is a characteristic / trait you see in others that you wish you had?

I'm pretty pessimistic tbh, so I'd like to snatch someone else's optimism and be positive about certain situations.

 

36. What are your pet peeves / deal-breakers when it comes to friends/relationships?

Lying. Ain't nobody got time for that.

 

37. What would you say is your favorite physical trait + personality trait in potential partner?

Their dick, honestly.

 

No, I'm kidding. I'm not actually, but... I like teeth. Good, white teeth will have me on my back faster than a paraplegic. Yas. Eyes and hair are nice too, but teeth... show me your teeth. Personality wise, I need someone that's going to motivate me and inspire me to try different things, think about things differently, see things in different light.

 

38. do u like pies

I... guess so, sure. What kind of ques-- okay.

 

39. what is ur favourite kind of pie

...in the words of Patrick Star: "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Any kind of pie, I guess. A pie is a pie is a pie.

 

(HDB: I want to make a remark on this so badly, but I can't. )

 

40. do u enjoy flying kites, if so, what would ur ideal kite look like, describe it

I've actually already thought about this. It would be diamond shaped, obviously. It'd have the same color scheme as Asuka's Eva unit from Evangelion - red, green and orange. Then, it'd have a second string that, when pulled, would extend Papier-mâché wings that would sustain flight.

 

BONUS: Is there anything you'd like to tell the community of LanaBoards?

I fucks with y'all. Hardcore. ...son, word, etc. Maru, I love your cats. Sitar and Bill, you two keep me in stitches and I think your back and forth bickering is just...super cute. You should totes just hit it and get it over with. (HDB: O _____ O well what are you waiting for, Sitar? I've been looking for an excuse to get with you and now I have one, so get over here) Madrigal, I always love reading your flawed~ opinions~ Monicker, when the day comes that LanaBoards die, or we grow out of Lana, which ever comes first, I'll always remember your various rants about music. Always. I probably won't know how to apply them to a conversation, or a potential dragging, but I'll always remember them. ... I probably won't, but still, it's a nice sentiment, no? Everyone who voted for me, thank you and you're awesome. Seriously. I am happier than a sissy on dick right now. This also means that I'm awesome, because I voted for myself. I did. I'll say it. Hollywood and Ivy probably deserve this, but I haven't conversed with them yet, sadly, so I didn't know them, so I voted for me. I guess I could have voted for frankee, but voting for frankee would have meant keeping frankee around and bitch, I just don't have the time for that.

 

Oh and forgive any typos or piss poor grammar, y'all got me fucked if you think I'm about to proof read this. Bill, you can do it.

 

(HDB: )

Yay! Congratulations again, Hellion, you rock. I'd put a smiley but we're at the limit...

[Matt 984]

Great interview! Loved reading it Hellion! Congratulations on Member of the Week!

[Myriam 559]

Loved this!

It was so entertaining, your crap talk about metaphysics made me laugh out loud haha

Congratsss <3

 

Oh and HDB's whoopi-full comments are too funny lol

[Quentin 552]

14. If your balls were a celebrity couple, who would they be?

 

Chris Brown and Rihanna. They're pretty big - not like abnormally big, but a little bigger than average, so they're always slapping around betwixt my thighs.

 

 

Congratz, comics > all

[Baby V Alex 2,859]

 

the Britney part, makes me happy.

 

everything else is just boring, just like hellion, tho

 

KIdding

[Cleopatra 1,099]

Congrats, Hellion.

[Hellion 993]

the Britney part, makes me happy.

 

everything else is just boring, just like hellion, tho

 

KIdding

 

I actually thought this twice and tried to liven things up and failed. Mess.

 

Screaming at Whoopi though. I said what I said.

[LipsterDelRey 180]

Congrats! I laughed out loud several times. Well done.

[RileyThomas 350]

That made me smile after an extremely strenuous English Literature essay write-up~God bless the universe, God bless the ocean, God bless U & God bless meeeeeeeeeeeee

[Monicker 3,035]

Wait, was that a reference to The Golden Palace that i just came across? Hellion, you have a very particular way of speaking (writing? is this how you converse face-to-face in everyday life?) that is oddly poetic and which i often find myself on the verge of just barely understanding.

 

Also, i too have anxiety issues with lack of control, which also explains my fear of flying.

[Hellion 993]

Wait, the pie question wasn't about sex, was it? Because I just thought about it and... Maybe I just have the mind of a fifteen year old.

 

Wait, was that a reference to The Golden Palace that i just came across? Hellion, you have a very particular way of speaking (writing? is this how you converse face-to-face in everyday life?) that is oddly poetic and which i often find myself on the verge of just barely understanding.

 

Also, i too have anxiety issues with lack of control, which also explains my fear of flying.

 

...maybe? I don't know. Now I'm self-conscious.

[Sitar 22,218]

YES! You are the first person to boldly cross the street without looking both ways and answer my celebrity couple question. See what a hit it is, earlier MOTWs? Smh.

 

Obviously I live for all your Golden Girls answers. There's no realm where I'm not Dorothy, so I'm glad you're not infringing on that. Own tha Blanche, own it. Is Monicker Sophia because he's so old? Who is Rose? And what about Debbie Reynolds' short-lived stint on the show? Is that frankee?

 

It was also surprisingly personal and I really enjoyed that because I've often gotten the feeling that I want to know you on a semi-personal level even if your posts are just the most hilarious. Of course you balanced the two flawlessly. I'm very happy you won.

 

Lemme go organize a YYYs download because of dat shoutout.

 

Listen to "Every Man Has His Wish" if you need a boppy unreleased song. That's just shameful, you know.

 

Sexting HDB right now.

[PrettyBaby 2,220]

Congrats, Hellion!

 

(I demand that you listen to You Can Be the Boss right now.)

 

Who is Rose?

 

Since Rose was always reminiscing about St. Olaf... probably some airhead who won't shut up about LDR.FM? (Oh crap, that's probably me )

[Mariann 255]

Congratulations, Hellion! What a great interview. :love:

 

:woot:

[deeth 107]

Balls? For some reason I thought Hellion was a girl. But then again I've made that mistake with a lot of users here, I don't know what's going on.

[Hundred Dollar Bill 21,805]

Balls? For some reason I thought Hellion was a girl. But then again I've made that mistake with a lot of users here, I don't know what's going on.

 

A girl? Psh. Hellion is 100% woman.

[Hellion 993]

Balls? For some reason I thought Hellion was a girl. But then again I've made that mistake with a lot of users here, I don't know what's going on.

 

Perhaps I've given too much sass.

[PrettyBaby 2,220]

Perhaps I've given too much sass.

NEVER. (Please tell me you've at least listened to Dum Dum.)

[HunterAshlyn 686]

This just gave me the UTMOST life, though. Like... You were the egyptian book of the dead. and I was the mummy. I read this, and THOU GIVEST ME LIFE.

 

 

Also, shout out to your playlist question. I've already extolled in every way possible how much it means to me that you guys listen.

 

Hellion, my dear, your just hysterical. I LOL'ed several times while reading this, and i just don't LOL that often.

[HunterAshlyn 686]

(Quickly, and not to steal the shine from Hellion, but has Monicker been nominated/won member of the week, yet? If not, let's get on that, cuz I'd like to read his interview!)