Melanie Martinez

[clementines 9,890]

Spider Web is a bop idcidcidc.

[Salem 872]

Does anyone know if all the CDs for this era are low quality, or only the listening party exclusive? I know someone on this thread also mentioned their vinyl sounded odd. I'm not sure what's going on with the manufacturing this era... 

[hotshot2am 18,781]

2 minutes ago, Salem said:

Does anyone know if all the CDs for this era are low quality, or only the listening party exclusive? I know someone on this thread also mentioned their vinyl sounded odd. I'm not sure what's going on with the manufacturing this era... 

 

Unless they put the wrong masters on the CD there shouldn't be any issues. Does it sound better on streaming?

[Salem 872]

3 minutes ago, hotshot2am said:

 

Unless they put the wrong masters on the CD there shouldn't be any issues. Does it sound better on streaming?

I've seen claims of the listening party CDs having super grainy covers and the audio quality on them sounding bad, like some sort of manufacturing error. I'm curious more than anything, but if these are low quality I'm a bit concerned about the new Cry Baby pressings since I wanted to buy one. 

[White Dress 6,901]

Someone went ham with the de-esser on Void  mess of an album 

[The Siren 30,517]

1 hour ago, Anonymcomenter said:

Thanks to y’all this album release has been soo fun!

 

Love u 

 

I don’t think we’ll get more of it though… maybe some videos

 

I doubt the label will let her do another movie, and I don’t blame them (still have PTSD from K-12) 

 

1 hour ago, sadness is a butterfly said:

I hope you’re not going anywhere yet!

 

But 💕 all of you girls gays and theys here in our little corner of LB. You all have made this pre release even more special 

Love everyone in here  even with disagreed opinions, this (pre-)release was fun to witness with you all

 

 

1 hour ago, sadness is a butterfly said:

The US version of the splatter is definitely disappointing compared the EU one  it doesn’t even look pink (neither one honestly) hopefully looks more pink in person. 

Idk if y'all looked at the videos I posted on krakenfiles but my bloodshot vinyl is certainly clear with a sprinkle of the red rather than the mockup mix

[Party Favor 10,307]

N-Y-M-P-H-O-L-O-G-Y,

that's nymphology

 

[Yellow 824]

1 hour ago, sadness is a butterfly said:

I hope you’re not going anywhere yet!

 

But 💕 all of you girls gays and theys here in our little corner of LB. You all have made this pre release even more special 

I love this place. I feel so safe here. I gush about y'all all the time to my bf. The lanaboards is my favorite part of liking Melanie besides her music.

[lightning tears 489]

top 3 songs on portals are battle of the larynx, tunnel vision & evil 

[Yellow 824]

Mine are fairee soiree, tunnel vision n evil 

[The Siren 30,517]

I HATE WHO I WAS BEFORE

this song has a chokehold on me

i also ran into a family friend at the store a little bit ago and i mentioned the album to her and she said she'd listen to it

[sadness is a butterfly 5,795]

16 minutes ago, lightning tears said:

top 3 songs on portals are battle of the larynx, tunnel vision & evil 

Tunnel Vision, Evil, and Womb 

 

 

[AtomicMess 3,453]

On 3/16/2023 at 10:23 AM, The Siren said:

If/when you do this hate-review, let me know it sounds like a fun read already

Congrats. My hate review of this album is here.

THEYDIES AND GENTLETHEMS, I PRESENT:

THE HATERS REVIEW OF "PORTALS"

Let's begin.

 

1. Death – The opening was good/alright.

 

Quote

 

When you aren't around, I sink into the ground

I try to pretend I'm closer to you

Never understand it

You're always on my mind, I cannot help it

I don't wanna be carryin' the weight on my shoulders

 

 

Only lyrics from the song I can connect with. Rest of the song is trash. Chorus is so repetitive and weak. Will spend no more time on this mess. 1/5

 

2.  Void - I actually like this song, I think. However – “tangled in my own intestines” – did we really need that? We’ve got a song here that’s about the voices in our mind, and an empty darkness and void we’re running from, we’ve made our messes, we’re trying to either get away from our guilt and our inner voices, or find a way to gain mastery of them or change them into something else (“alchemize” LOL) – I’m behind it, I’m here for it…..and then we leave our cerebral inner consciousness song for a beat to….talk about some bloody intestines. The song was *almost* there. We could have just stayed in dark mental world escapism moment, but we just haaaaaaad to get visceral with the imagery. I swear it's a fetish. Song's like a 3/5 for me.

 

3. Tunnel Vision - First, turn off the Imogen Heap voice filter on that intro. Second, it’s literally Strawberry Shortcake 2.0 extended edition. Nothing new is being brought to the conversation here.   Men just want the pussy. Rah rah. we get it. Same song, same dance, story of humanity for millennia. Dead topic with no fresh perspective or vocalization brought to the table. I actually like Strawberry Shortcake and it's on-the-nose euphemism now, by comparison. 0/5

 

4. Faerie Soiree - We could have had a cute little quiet bop moment about some psychedelics or whatever. And then we insert a line about Miranda Rights – why? No, genuinely why. Someone connect that to me with the rest of the song. I don't get it. Also – the outro is???? I want my 2 minutes and some change back. -10/5

 

5. Light Shower – WAS SO HERE FOR THE SONG, RIGHT UP UNTIL we’re talking about spending our last days on earth eating the person. Once again, her fetish for some kind of reference to death or blood or some kind of violent carnal act comes through. 1/5

 

6. Spider Web – first pass on the song - what are we trying to euphemize here? What are we trying to metaphor? I like parts of the song:

 

Quote

 

I'm hiding myself from the enemy

I wish to not be perceived

Didn't ask for this dangerous visibility

I'm feeling too scared to sleep

 

This part? This is so real. There’s a lot of people who feel this, especially folks in the LGBTQ+ community. Second pass - a lookup of the lyrics and the meaning behind them indicate we’re criticizing the homogenization of culture and how everything is getting caught up in the internet and social media and such. The song makes more sense to me after reading that, but if I have to look up the meaning because I’m drowning in so. much. imagery. It means it’s a tad inaccessible. 1/5

 

7.  Leeches – this song is trying too hard. As a result I will be trying less. I will not elaborate. 0/5

 

8.  Battle of the Larynx – BPD girl anthem (derogatory), right here folks. I went to therapy and got my shit right, so this song can miss me hard with such an immature way to handle conflict and strife in a relationship. Strong “I’m the protagonist” vibes here, so much so it's to a fault and it makes me question her positioning of herself in all the stories and narratives she sings and tells us.

 

Quote

 

How stupid, selfish baby

Don't you battle with my larynx tonight

I'll wreck you if you chase me

But I'll be silent 'til you cross the line

 

 

The whole bit just reads as:

“I could kill you. But I won’t. But I could. But I’m not. But you won’t stand a chance if I do. But I’m not going in unless you go first. But just know if you do….”

 

 

Girl. Shit or get off the pot, get off the cross we need the wood, etc. etc. Not dignifying this with a score. So fucking anxious-avoidant.

9. The Contortionist – arguably the best place to get all dirty and body horror and bloody and gritty, but I’m so tired by this point it’s lost it’s effectiveness. However, as someone who actually was in a relationship with someone who had BPD, I can relate to this a lot. Twisting yourself to fit a mold and standard that someone else is holding you to and is ever shifting their definition of – it really does feel like you’re breaking your back, you’re snapping your limbs, jumping through hoops, and constantly being hounded by conditionals for love and acceptance that shouldn’t be so hard to get, and then when it’s there, it’s pulled away, so you chase it, and then it’s suddenly so much you’re smothered in it, and then equally as fast you’re parched again. This bit here

 

Quote

"Never got a chance to undo/Positions that you forced my way into”

 

Girl I feel that. I got given the run around and treated myself and so many other people like shit for his attention only to get unceremoniously told, OVER TEXT, “I just cannot be around someone so ethically poisonous as you. Good bye.”, and then blocked, after years of us being together. It took me so long to “twist” myself back into shape, and the bastard isn’t around to see me in my success years. Rip. 

 

Song gets a 2/5, but only because if I don’t pay attention to the lyrics the sonics of the track are just mid. The energy just isn't hitting for me.

 

9. Moon Cycle – I hate her. 0/5

 

10.  Nypmhology - I’m disconnected from the energy of transformation here I guess. It’s just more man-hating energy. I dunno. It’s giving manic-pixie girl alright. -99999/5

 

11.  Evil – I connect with this lyrically like I do with Contortionist, but fetish-fartinez-for-violent-and-visceral-imagery-for-president just comes through again and again and claws it back from me in that second verse. I dunno - looking at her body of work and what and how Melanie sings, I’m not entirely sure it’s always the other person who’s been bad in all her relationships. Sorry not sorry, is she trying to convince the world the other person was bad, or is she trying to convince herself that she was the innocent one? 1/5

 

12.  Womb – if I put an icepick to the Wernicke’s area of my brain, I love the song. It’s such a bop. Someone leak me the instrumental in HQ. If I turn on cognitive processing of language – girl what? We’re drowning in lyrical metaphor again. Cycle of life and death and rebirth I guess? I get it, it's just not effective. 0/5

IN CONCLUSION

 

I'll probably put Void into a playlist, because I do like it, but otherwise - Melanie continues her trend of displaying (to me), that she's an emotionally immature person with a giant she-woman-man-hater's complex and a love for uncomfortably visceral and on the nose lyrics that just come off like she's trying too damn hard.


Y'all stans can @ me now. My body will gladly be the pincushion the world needs because someone's gotta soak up the hatred.

[sadness is a butterfly 5,795]

@AtomicMess 

We DID ask for this didn’t we 

 

An entertaining read, as promised. 
 

(I think you like PORTALS more than you let on )

[AtomicMess 3,453]

2 minutes ago, sadness is a butterfly said:

(I think you like PORTALS more than you let on )

I like the ENERGY of the album. I like the CONCEPT. I resonate with some of the tracks, for sure. More than I did K-12.

BUT - I am going BALD at the execution. It's the same frustration I have with K-12 - moments of such GRAND IMMATURITY it just rips the rug out from under whatever point she's trying to make.

[The Siren 30,517]

12 minutes ago, AtomicMess said:

I'll probably put Void into a playlist, because I do like it

this is melanie's wet dream tbh. she self produced Void and is pushing hard for it to be the most streamed

[iJoshicus 188]

I love the entire album, void is my only eh-song. The rest I haven’t skipped once. 
 

Any news on a clean version? I don’t see one on iTunes. 

[The Siren 30,517]

Just now, AtomicMess said:

I like the ENERGY of the album. I like the CONCEPT. I resonate with some of the tracks, for sure. More than I did K-12.

BUT - I am going BALD at the execution. It's the same frustration I have with K-12 - moments of such GRAND IMMATURITY it just rips the rug out from under whatever point she's trying to make.

i just cant get over the fact that you hate Tunnel Vision

[sadness is a butterfly 5,795]

2 minutes ago, The Siren said:

i just cant get over the fact that you hate Tunnel Vision

 
I’ve watched a few reaction videos on YouTube and TikTok and literally no one has put TV in their top 5…likeeeee 

[AtomicMess 3,453]

Just now, The Siren said:

i just cant get over the fact that you hate Tunnel Vision

ITS. SO. REDUCTIVE.

I wish her visual creativity translated to lyrical creativity on this topic because there's still plenty of potential gold to mine out of the "men only want one thing" digsite, but this song is not doing it for me, and she already did the same schtick with Strawberry Shortcake, so like....