Warning: I am about to get very personal and severely overshare, so read at your own risk lol
The album is absolutely stunning. I’ve just had it on constant repeat. I feel like I have so much to say about it, yet at the same time I’m at a loss for words. It’s really soul-speaking music and it's hitting me extra heavily, especially with everything going on in my life. Lana was right when she called this record “introspective, sad girl shit.” I could cry, and have cried, at every song on this album at some point while it’s playing (except for Doin’ Time, bc that’s just a bop. I did cry during the music video though )
When California first played, I made it to the end of the first pre-chorus and was automatically in tears. It wasn’t a slow built up cry either where you feel it coming and then it’s one tear and then another before it turns into a full-on cry. No. One second I was completely fine and the very next I was in a full blown sob fest, as if I had just watched someone get shot. I was like, what is happening?? It just hit me instantly. That song speaks way too deeply right now. I kind of flip the lyrics in my head to the opposite point of view and it fits perfectly to part of something that’s been hard with me to deal with, my recent breakup affecting how I’m dealing with the main situation that’s causing me all my troubles (but trust me, the breakup itself is not even the tip of the iceberg of what’s been going on with me lol)
“You shouldn’t have done it, but you read it in my letter. I said to your friend that I wished I was doing better. I wanted you to reach out, but you didn’t say a thing… if I come back to California, would you hit me up?”
I feel myself about to cry even just writing those lyrics lol. Hate to bore you with the personal details of my dead love life, but my ex lives in California and every couple of months I’d fly out to see her. She’s kind of completely cut me out of her life now, and while I’m going through the undoubtedly hardest point of my life, she’s the only one I want to talk to and help me through it. But I haven’t heard from her in weeks, which I understand why. We’re broken up after all and she made that decision to better her own happiness, which I respect. It just makes it so much harder while I’m going through everything. Anyway on to the next sob fest I’ve created, out of The Greatest…
Whew. When I first heard the song while watching the video, it was another cry moment (not as intense as California though, that was just insane) But I’m sure by what I’ve just described, you can tell why I was also crying then…
“I’m wasted. Don’t leave, I just need a wake-up call. I’m facing the greatest loss of them all. The culture is lit and I had a ball. I guess I’m signing off after all… I want shit to feel just like it used to, when I was doing nothing most of all.”
Of course this relates to the breakup portion I’m going through, but to continue to overshare and get way too personal, I really am going through the greatest loss of them all, because right now I’ve lost so much. Of course I have to mourn the loss of my relationship, but also a sense of safety, security, many of my friends, a job I loved, care and respect for my own self, and all of my happiness… (but hey, I also finally lost the 5 pounds I gained over the past 2 years I’d been wanting to get rid of!) & then the last part I included from one of the verses because when I met my ex in January 2018, I was literally doing nothing at all lol. I had just quit my job and was just sitting around in my apartment in Brooklyn all day. When we met she was on her winter break of college, so we’d literally Facetime for three days straight. That initial honeymoon phase, y’know? But it’s the last line of the chorus that hits me the hardest of all. It’s a lot I’m going through right now, and I also haven’t had the cleanest thoughts all the while (sorry for everyone I scared via my Twitter) so this song also really hits close like California does. I feel like I ghostwrote it lol.
To get less personal, I’m absolutely in love with Cinnamon Girl. It was the song I was most excited for, and it was definitely worth the wait. It’s my favourite, like I expected it to be. Her vocals in this song are just spectacular. I love when she goes super high like she does towards the end of the chorus. Stunning. I remember listening to those initial snippets she shared and being floored. I was not let down. That’s kind of how I feel about most of this album… I didn’t have any sort of expectation for it I suppose, but I’m blown away. Even the songs that I was least excited for based on her snippets like California & Norman Fucking Rockwell both ended up in my top 5. I can’t say there’s a song I truly dislike. It’s a beautifully done album, and it’ll be a favourite forever. The only thing I’m upset about, and I was just talking to a friend about this, is the time it was released, and that’s just a me thing. I so badly wished this album was released in May or June or something, before all this happened. I just know I’m always going to tie this record to this part of my life, so it’ll be difficult to listen to in the future if I ever get out of this slump. For example, during the (now second) worst point of my life, FROOT was released and now I can’t listen to that record. It just brings me back to that time and it makes me feel uneasy to listen to. Music is really powerful in that sense for me, it can really transport me to past times in my life and I think that’s how I end up appreciating music in it’s longevity. Part of the reason UV & LFL rank so high for me in terms of Lana records is because not only are they amazing albums, but they were both released in the middle of the best points of my life – 2017 & 2014. So, I just wish I was still in a happier time and mindset when this album was released so I could have different memories tied to it later on, but I do really appreciate that it’s helping to guide me through this point I’m in right now, if that makes sense.
Here’s my song ranking:
Cinnamon Girl
The Greatest
California
Norman Fucking Rockwell
Happiness is a Butterfly
Hope (iadtfawlmthbihi)
Venice Bitch
Doin' Time
Fuck it I Love You
Mariners Apartment Complex
Bartender
Love Song
The Next Best American Record
How to Disappear
This is of course subject to change though. I’ve listened to the album about 15 times through so far, so this is just my initial ranking. Especially with those last 5 songs, those are all kind of interchangeable for me right now. I’m confident with my “holy trinity” though – those will probably always stay my top 3, with NFR following as #4. I can genuinely say though, there's not a single song on this album that I dislike or consider a skip. Those at the bottom of my NFR list could rank much higher than a good portion of songs from other albums.
Here’s how NFR fits into my album ranking:
UV > AKA > NFR > LFL > BTD > HM > P
I’ll be very surprised if anything ever tops UV & AKA for me, so I’m very pleased to have NFR as #3. (and before anyone drags me for having LFL above BTD/HM/&P, it’s an amazing record! & also as I mentioned earlier, I think it’s also just because it was released during the best year of my life and I tie it to good memories.)
Whew that was an essay and probably way more than you asked for lol. But yes, those are my thoughts!! x
i completely agree, 2019 has been consistent twists, dilemmas, fails and falls, but the year is also this utopian slate of constant releases by my entire last.fm top 50. and the releases just keep timing up whether i'm grateful or temporarily annoyed. i must say i don't know if i could've gotten through the first half without L+F (snapped), dedicated, TUN, and a few others. i have a lot of changes coming throughout october and this + charli is like taking a vicodin and then some ecstasy omg we
in this case tho, i'm pretty annoyed that i sought commitment or closure from this guy before the end of august specifically so i wasn't still ailing from the ambiguity while tying him to an NFR that i expected to be a little more happy. instead, she fleshed those opening lines into nearly an entire album about his failures and disappointment and being ultimately unwilling to change, therefore the album almost perfectly puts to paper how i feel about him right now and there's no undoing those connotations. a nightmare
honestly it’s got a lot more going for it than many other songs on the album... I’m just completely baffled how it’s at the bottom of so many people’s lists. I guess some people don’t clean their ears regularly.
Everyone on twitter is going on about how they have a new collection of sugar daddy anthems (like they do with every new Lana album) and it’s cringey and I feel secondhand embarrassment for all of them. I hate that this is what everyone reduces Lana’s art to.
Oh awww but hm well congrats!! Idk if u like those versions, but I have a feeling those versions are gonna be real sought out by collectors in the long run, have fun w em!
and no idk too. I'm waiting for the physical that I'm getting from a ticket purchase, the checkered neon vinyl, and urban's pink vinyl atm. I might visit the music shop and get one, but I really don't have to.
Has anyone been to Lana's surf shop? I kinda wanna go, but I'm too nervous to go alone, nd I don't have anything current for her to sign, if she's even there, if she's even signing stuff would been perfect to go w someone bc I know they'll like the area too, but stuff I get it
Edit: I'm being a little bitch, imma go this weekend or something, fingers crossed
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