Pretty Dull

me waiting for emile haynie fine china to leak
 

They threatened to post unedited files, if this happens maybe they’ll have some credibility

the irony of ppl complaining about 3 songs out of a 13 track album being slow...on LANAboards

Dear Metacritic staff,
 
I hope this email finds you well. 
 
I would like to start by saying that I value the work that you do for promoting the cultural and art sectors. I believe that Metacritic has become such a trusted source precisely as a result of your long-standing integrity, commitment to upholding objective criticism and professionalism. 
 
On that note I would like to bring to your attention a review of Lana Del Rey’s latest release “Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd”. The review in question is by Sputnik Music [insert link], which have presented a completely biased view of the album and have given a score of 2.5/5. This score is significantly lower than the average score of the album so far which comprises over 20 (!) reviews by various publications. This indicates that there is clear misalignment between Sputnik Music and their peers which can only be explained by subjectiveness. There is a clear trend by Sputnik Music bringing down album scores without any credible merit. One could even see negative bias against certain female artists, which if true, hides a much more serious issue with Sputnik Music’s work and potential misogyny and sexism veiled by false pretences of objectivity and informed artistic criticism. 
 
I believe that Metacritic should review the participation of Sputnik Music in its aggregate  scores and consider removing them from not only Lana Del Rey’s page, but all artists. I believe in Metacritic’s integrity and do not consider Sputnik Music’s values to be aligned with yours. 
 
I am looking forward to your reply. 
 
Yours faithfully,
 
XXX
 
edit: fixed some typos

well. But the fact that this album is struggling between being above 80 & below 79 is really a joke, when we ALL KNOW that by the end of the year or even of this decade - these fuckfaces are going to give her a few more thinkpieces about how her albums was "too ahead of the time" & "influencial" even when they trashed tf out of it when it came out.
 
The same B.S happened with BTD & NFR,only for them to include these babies in their year end lists / decade lists years later. No. It's about giving her the flowers in the moment when she's still here with us. Give her the recognition she deserves.
 
Scores dont matter & numbers dont entirely define Lana's art but hey, at the end of the day, if you want to give her a negative/mixed/polarised review - go ahead, but CONVINCE ME as a reader about what her  work lacks in academic & objective common-sense. I dont want to see some haters who's trying to take her down with their bitter biased personal feeling b.s.,not on my watch.

It's frustrating because the album deserves higher than an 81 or whatever it ends up with on MC because of biased critics who clearly don't like her volunteering to review her work. She was guaranteed a low score on their site out of the gate. And other positive reviews, like the 100 from Gigwise or the rave review from The Quietus don't even count. 
 
In the long run, you're right, it really doesn't matter at all. It's more a frustration w/ sites like Sputnik having "merit" on MC when it's just a forum full of incel neckbeards who hate Lana (and seemingly most female artists). 
 
One of the replies from another reviewer is "Brace yourselves, Twitter is coming", which just shows they're doing this for attention. It has nothing to do w/ the quality of the music. It just bugs me. If the site didn't count on aggregate sites I wouldn't care at all.

Personally I just don't think you should review an album if you can't put aside the fact that you don't like the artist and objectively listen to it 

All his Candy Necklaces 
We’ve been acting pretty restless 
Dancing like the young and restless  
 

But daddy, I miss them... 

Thanks for pointing that out. I will forever say it. Those in charge of Lana's Genius are some kind of mafia I swear They downvote and delete anyone else's contributions. It's disgusting, considering the lyrics are the most important aspect in Lana's music. A lot of people must think her lyrics are cringe because they read those "analysis" on Genius.

Anyway.
 
I really have to go through every closing song because something about Taco, maybe it's just the damn joy it brings me, it's possibly her best closer. Greatest closer? Didn't say that, but it's so FUN and vibing, it's like a sexy wave goodbye as she sends us back to sea, after spending the day on the rocky, emotional shores of Ocean Blvd.

not slander to Ocean Blvd in its own thread. 

let's not talk like fingertips isn't her lyrical magnum opus. and the hit songs line is quite clearly satirical, but whatever I guess

its so embarrassing that genius still has "God's a charlatan" in the a&w lyrics and all the locals will think she actually says that 
also the connotations for some songs like kintsugi and candy necklace are so cringey... sometimes i wonder how people come up with this stuff

It's incredible how you're able to pull out so many negative comments no matter the hour of the day  By "hit songs" she obviously doesn't mean an actual hit on Billboard, she means the songs are catchy and great and feel classic to her and making great songs comes naturally for her. But whatever.

The way I COULDN'T believe this song when I heard it

I don't know if this has been brought up by anyone else yet, but I can't help but think about the first half of the album as a chronological allegory for her romance, heartbreak and then stages of grief.
The Grants/Ocean Blvd/Sweet is her in love, thinking about a life of love but still foreshadowing future loss (love and denial (in hindsight) stage).
"Do you want children? Do you want to marry me?" A&W is where the betrayal happens (especially considering the extra verse she sang on her live in the car about Sean), The anger and reckoning stage.
"It's not about havin' someone to love me anymore
This is the experience of bein' an American whore" Interludes/Candy Necklace is her turning to spirituality while still lamenting the restlessness/reckless of men. Reasoning. Kintsugi - the quietest point of grief, depression, that hopefully starts to precede the last stage of grief, acceptance.   
To me, the remaining half of the album her accepting her place in life and trying to find potential joy in living in the moment, friendship, family and embracing her sultry spirit again. 

Funny how it’s probably her least accessible album, yet it’s gonna have one of Lana’s biggest debut ever! 

i didnt love i disagree for the same reason but i Do love grunge/punk/shoegaze and flux devoured

the chat 
 

I'm guessing this is a real comment but I don’t know where the original video is so I’m not 100% sure 

I’ve been laughing at myself and getting mystified to Margaret’s when you know, you know, cus its like stranger than a stranger 2.0 and makes absolute total sense all simple but still so profound, not complex at all, and just the insinuating of knowing, when you know. It’s just- there you go, when you know- you know. It’s giving CAMP. It’s giving genius!!

Hands on your knees, Angelina Jolie

CHUCKY WAS THERE FOR THREE OUT OF THREE